Thursday, January 15, 2009

Top 10 Things President Bush Should Say in His Farewell Address

10. "Remember this, America: 60 million of y'all wanted a second helping of this here Texas meat."

9. "Soon as I'm out of the door, I'm putting all my efforts toward finding the real killers."

8. "Imagine what would have happened these past eight years if I was still drinking?"

7. "The only man creepier than Vice President Cheney is Karl Rove. And, yes, they're both a-holes."

6. "Anybody need some mesquite brush cleared? Cheap?"

5. "Condi is totally smokin'. I could tap that."

4. "The media fails to acknowledge the bright side of an economy in ruins and a tainted reputation abroad -- we've solved our immigration problem."

3. "That new Kanye West disc is off the chain."

2. "Let this be a lesson for future generations: Never make a decision on invading another country after six Amps and a Red Bull."

1. "Oops."

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"One last thing, America. Don't vote for this Uncool guy at Humor-Blogs.com. Is that enough of an endorsement for ya?"

32 comments:

  1. Although I am excited about the regime change, I heard that CSI was going to be pre-empted by something presidential this evening - BOO! It is Grissom's last episode ;)

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  2. You hold him down, I'll get my shoes...

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  3. I'll let him clean the mesquite, only if I get to keep the big pieces for barbecue.

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  4. #5 gives me the creeps, dude.

    I, for one, would love to hear him say, "For the record, I am an idiot."

    Then again, why say things that are common knowledge?

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  5. Why does he even bother saying goodbye? Sometimes it's just a little better to head quietly out the back door and hope noone notices the screen slap.

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  6. #9's my favorite. Wonder if OJ catches your blog in the Nevada pen?

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  7. I gotta go with #8 and #5 as seriously hilarious! Nice work!

    IB

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  8. You know. I could TOTALLY see him saying either number 8 or number 4. For Realz.

    That man scares the living crap outta me, and I hope he never ever does anything even remotely close to politics again. EVER.
    (That's my Canadian point of view.)

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  9. I just think Will Ferrell is so much better at being George than George. It's been a long long long eight years.

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  10. You can't hear it, but you received a golf clap. Great list!

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  11. My hope is he comes out, steps to a podium, introduces Obama, and says, "Welp, think I'm gonna skeedattle on out of here right now. See ya on the flipside, America!" and we wake up tomorrow with a big old 'do over'

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  12. I don't think he's articulate enough to put together any of those sentences.

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  13. I think he should say "Pardon Me!"

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  14. #5 totally had me cracking up!!!hahahahahahah
    dawn

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  15. I wonder if the real killers enjoy ranching, oil and baseball as much as they do golf.

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  16. Bush should say, "Did I do that?"

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  17. I loved how he acknowledged his VP before his wife and kids. Wondering on his priorities....

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  18. I'd just love to see him flip the country the bird and head down to Crawford!

    I figure that must be how he feels about now.

    And I second FADKOG.

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  19. That was FAN TASTIC!!!

    I liked them ALL, but #7 was fab.

    Mari's comment cracked me up.

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  20. I kept waiting for that "oops" last night... also for him to say "and most of all I want to thank my brother Jeb" and then give a big wink

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  21. Number 9 is my favorite, by far. Speaking of which, we should check with Clinton to see if he ever found the real f***ers!

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  22. LOL!

    I'll be glad to see Bush and his WMD (Weapons of Mass Deception) say farewell.

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  23. One of your best posts. Although I think the new Kanye is so-so. I am much more enamored of Renaissance by Q-Tip.

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  24. HYSTERICAL post!!! Loving it!

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  25. Number nine made me pee myself. Thanks a lot.

    -The Caffeinatrix (formerly IzzyMom)

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