Monday, July 13, 2009

Swimming in a Vicious Circle

The swim club we belong to (and the one Patty stalks me at) had a rash, no, an explosion of problems last summer. Ones that required the entire pool to be closed, drained and disinfected. I lost count after the first three times we arrived in the late afternoon only to find the place closed down but suffice to say it happened with, um, regularity.

In response, the club this year plastered the locker rooms with highly informative posters. A filled swim diaper hanging out of a child's bathing suit, for example, is known in the environmental health industry as a "teabag," a term that I'm sure inspired more than a few snickers (along with Baby Ruths jokes) in the men's locker room where it was hu- … displayed.

The club also instituted a mandatory 15-minute closing of the pool every two hours in hope that kids will hit the bathroom. Instead, they all hit the snack bar.

When the 6 o'clock break started today, the Things and I took a seat at a picnic table to share a paper boat filled with hot and spicy curly fries. At the table across from us, two moms are trying to keep their combined five kids under control during what appears to be dinner.

One of the kids, who is maybe 4, hops out of his seat and takes two steps to the base of the grassy slope behind the tables. Suddenly, his green swim trunks are around his ankles.

"Good to see the new policy is working," I say to Thing 1 who is taking in all the action.

"Yeah," she says through a mouth of fry mush. "His mom is going have a good story to tell his girlfriend someday."

27 comments:

  1. When I saw your post title, it reminded me of when I first took swimming lessons and tried to swim with my eyes closed. Yup, I perfected the freestyle circle. Who needed laps?

    Sigh. I miss the pool club.

    Happy summer!

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  2. Sometimes I think my biggest nightmare is realizing my son has pooped in the pool, but then I think as long as we're talking biggest nightmares, the pooper might as well be me.

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  3. may have been part of the problem - there were several pools we were at that they could not get their act together on the proper balance of chemicals. The number of times makes me think of one in particular....
    Most of that was before the operation.

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  4. Is it wrong to have the "doody" scene from Caddyshack running through my head the whole time I was reading this?

    If it is...I don't wanna be Right.

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  5. "Yeah," she says through a mouth of fry mush. "His mom is going have a good story to tell his girlfriend some day."

    I admit it. This line made me snort coffee out my nose. How old is Thing 1? Too Funny!

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  6. It wasn't last summer, but the summer prior, when I found the poo that closed the pool.

    Ahh, memories.

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  7. I am quickly becoming a Howard Hughes kind of germophobe! Tea bag, just about did me in! I'll never put my head in the water again.

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  8. phew- I was thinking something completely different when you mentioned the whole teabag thing...I was wondering just what kind of 'club' you were bringing your kids to.*

    *and I was wondering if I could come and if they allow flash photography!

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  9. One reason I hate community pools, tho I lugged my two things there for years as well - teabags and godonlyknows what else! We were possibly better off (ill but stupid) not knowing then what we know now!

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  10. I loved the last part of the story. Young kids just don't care where their at, when nature calls, nature calls...

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  11. This makes me feel blessed that the only things I find floating in the pool at the YMCA are mysterious bandages (one of my biggest pet peeves and gross outs) and wads of hair that I take small blessings in because the strands are far too long to be considered suspicious.

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  12. Something tells me that peeing in the pool at the Jewish Community Center each week during swim lessons is not kosher.

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  13. My son said the other day, as we were getting ready to walk out the door to go swimming in the lake, "I have to go to the bathroom!" and started to speed up to leave the house. I said, "Hey, dude, where are you going? The bathroom's thattaway!" "But, Ma-uuuhm, I'm going to pee in the lake! It's like the biggest bathroom in the world!!"

    Uh, no. No it isn't, son..."

    Kids. Scratch that. Boys!

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  14. I agree with Fadkog, bandages are far worse than the accasional babe ruth...although, I don't think I am willing to smell either one. And now all I want are greasy french fries and they don't even have to be curly!

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  15. The Anonymous Said, was me A Vapid Blonde, some how I need to go eat fries.

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  16. Great site man. I was wondering if we could possible exchange links. Let me know what you think about my humor blog.

    Jason

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  17. Swimming pools/petrie dishes that have kids in diapers swimming in them make me wanna ralph.

    Hi! I have cats.

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  18. My son was playing in the baby pool (in our backyard...not in public) once when I noticed the water turning brown. Even a Little Swimmer couldn't hold back diarrhea. I used an entire bottle of bleach on that thing.

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  19. a 15 minute break every 2 hours! that's a little ridiculous. i was a lifeguard once & i can just imagine the complaints about that one. not to mention the extra eyes you need on all the kids out of the pool.

    last summer, my son & i were in the public pool & i saw him start his i'm-a-gonna-poop-face. i couldn't have picked him up any sooner. as soon as his ass hit the air, man. i saved a lot of people that day.

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  20. This cracked me up! A toddler version of a "teabag". OMG.

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  21. i laughed out loud at that.



    thanks. :-)

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  22. Hung...ha ha ha.

    I hate swim diapers. They are the most evil things in the world because, well...nothing is THAT watertight sealed.

    I know those clubs need to over chlorinate the pool, which can make it no fun for anyone, but yeah...community pools are usually a bit dirty.

    This made me laugh in horror because, well, we just went to our pool today.

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  23. Swim diapers? They have those? Oh there are so many things I have to learn....

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  24. Huh. I always thought a "teabag" was something else only slightly less gross.

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  25. Oh those comments, those were me. Practicing up for trip East or am I really going West? I never know. Gotta go my tea bag is full.

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  26. Saw your twitter post regarding the mysterious Japanese replies to this piece. When I used iGoogle to translate this last reply, it came up with: "If I encounter in Mobage fun is ok. That's because hot to enjoy the encounter . Easily available for free registration"

    So, there you go. Mystery solved!!

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