Monday, April 12, 2010

Mocking The Lame (PR Pitches I Receive)

Since a woman first declared 2010 "The Year of the Daddy Blogger" (she might also be a mom, maybe even a mommy blogger, but the use of a woman's ovaries are best left up to her own devices -- or, more precisely, the lack thereof -- so I shan't speculate further), my inbox has literally gone from zero to half a dozen PR pitches a day.

Unfortunately, most of these pitches are lame and the products and services lamer. For example:

They are about mom/woman things. I'm not talking cleaning, ironing and cooking supplies, you presumptive reverse sexists. Those are my areas in the household and there is nothing wrong about that no matter what says the Mother of All Uncoolness (hi, Mom!). I'm talking expensive jewelry for babies, confession Web sites for moms who don't have their own blogs to confess on, and items that provide, um, uh, girly freshness. Is my content that feminine? Where are the microbrewers? The makers of Blu-Ray DVD players with built-in WiFi (like the Panasonic DMP-BD85K or maybe the LG BD570 -- do you need a mailing address)? Damn it, where's my XBox360!

They are addressed to "Mr. ____." A half-point for getting my gender right. However, if you don't know my last name then don't leave it blank, you unpaid PR intern monkey. What's that? You're a VP at the company? Then hire a PR intern monkey, idiot! Geez, at least address me by my first name (hint: it's in my FAQs and my URL.) If nothing else, be a creative suck up. Starting with "Dear Mr. Well-Endowed Blogger" is not going hurt your chances around here.

They hype products tied to idiotic, overexposed "celebrities." I have written about my waistline issues but why would I give a slutty Kardashian about what type of girdle one of those reality show harlots wears to squeeze in her post-baby belly? Especially without sending me an actual slutty Kardashian to model it for me. (Note to that marketing agency: I'm partial to this one, especially in this saucy pirate outfit:

kim kardashian pirate outfit

And, yes, I'll pay for the postage. Delivery only, though.)

They are about inappropriate products. I'm not talking sex toys. Those are perfectly fine between consenting adults, assuming your household contains adults (mine -- yes) who consent (meh). I'm talking items that run quite counter to my core beliefs. My favorite to date? Right after I ranted about overpriced high chairs, a company sends me an e-mail pimping not only a $600 baby stroller but some bizarro artwork some "well-known artist" did of said stroller. First, people who are well known don't need to be introduced as such. Second, what the fluck, flunky flak?

That's why I'm happy to announce an actual PR pitch worthy of this little blog that benefits me and YOU, my dear loyal readers and irregular commenters. (No, it's not a deal with Fiber One, but that also would be appropriate for our collective colons.)

Details will appear here Thursday. Tune back in then.

Meanwhile, fill me in on the most inane PR pitch you have every received. Or your favorite Kardashian. Sex toys, optional.

18 comments:

  1. I agree with you they are pretty lame. However, I would like to have the lame PR pitch problem at this point. Since it's the year of the daddy blogger, what's the hold up?

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  2. e UK comercial sector has recently discovered mummybloggers. and being one of the five or six daddy bloggers I am aware of over here I've got swept along with it.

    Te majority of the stuff is firmly aimed at the female market, but I have been able to blag me some loot.

    So far in the past I've been given a blu ray player, about 15 disney blu ray disks, a £100 phone, an all expenses paid trip to London, and I've just been offered a holiday in france.

    Not too shabby at all.

    I do feel like a complete sell out for accepting the stuff though, and am still struggling with how to come to terms with it all. Still - free stuff

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  3. Pirate outfit = Johnny Depp. Deep sigh...

    What was this blog about?

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  4. Wondering when it'll be the year of the no-niche blogger. Probably never. *sigh* I want me some loot. Maybe I'll start writing about imaginary kids.

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  5. PR pitches are so incredibly bad that it ends up being quite humourous. I get a few decent ones, but the majority are horrendous. Actually, our posts today are quite similar. I just started a "Great Moments in PR" series over on my blog.

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  6. I like getting emails addressed to Mr. The Holmes.

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  7. Blimey! I'm not a father, but I'd kind of like it if someone started offering me free stuff. Well, a free Kardashian at least.

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  8. okay so we all get spam, but I think I like yours better than mine!

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  9. Oooh. A cliff hanger. ergonomic keyboards? Lifetime supply of sierra nevada? Candy-gram?

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  10. WOW someone is desperate for attention!!! Lol.

    I've been hit up but I always feel they are behind a big joke and I'm the butt of it because my blog is of no help to anyone nor is it popular...maybe someday I will be as uncool as you, but for now I just wallow in my corner as those PR people try to punk me blogger style! Now where do you think they hide the camera?

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  11. Himself, aka the Huz, aka Unfinished Rambler/Person/Dude, used to be the editor of a newspaper. He used to get completely crazy press releases, which we read at home for our own amusement. My favorite was an announcement that a person had actually won National Recognition as a champion poop scooper. She had a professional doggie donut collection business and had, it would seem, aced a competition among her peers. The yard biscuit game must pay pretty well, because she had a professional PR firm pimping her out.

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  12. I've stopped looking at my PR pitches. Unless they're something really eye catching -- not often admittedly. I seemed to have missed out on the girdle thingy. Lucky you :-) Let's see, I got one for belly button piercings for moms. Got another for some dumb musical thing to strap around a pregnant belly for fetus entertainment. Those are pretty good.

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  13. You guys get shit sent to you for free? Nice! Damn, I am happy with a comment on one of my posts. I am so lame.

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  14. Well, at least you know that someone is reading. ;)

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  15. I wish I got stuff for free. Wait, I do get stuff for free. I just usually don't want it. I hope it's the year of the daddy blogger. It would mean that the readers are finally catching up to the fact that daddy's have been blogging a long time.

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  16. I don't get nearly enough pitches. I would have such a field day. As it is, I resort to lambasting products that I have actually purchased with hard cold cash.

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  17. Kevin, I decided to post this here since posting it over at the meat plant seemed inappropriate. I have a little something for you over at my place. Come get it when you're in the mood.

    (See, this is why I couldn't post it over there.)

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  18. All I can say is "Amen!" You couldn't have put it better. I especially like the "Dear dad, parent, adrogynous person." If I have time, I reply, "Dear nameless marketing person,..." I usually get an apology back addressing me by name.

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