“You need to have a little rhythm for this. I don’t know,” Adam said skeptically as he searched for second opinions and options with superior cleavage. “Does this guy look like has some rhythm?”
I nodded enthusiastically. Probably spastically. I undid a couple of buttons on my polo for good measure.
“OK,” he said, reluctantly pointing at me. “Go around there.”
Around I went. Up I climbed. There I stood.
My lower legs suddenly became shakier than an election year promise.
“Here, you get to play this,” someone said.
The lights didn’t blind so much as they disoriented. Or maybe that was just the first Sierra Nevada kicking in.
At my feet stood My Love, smiling up in the second row. Or maybe that was just the third Sierra Nevada kicking in.
I’m in a movie in which the film had been flipped over on the reels. Left was right and right was left. My world had been inverted.
There may have been a count in.
1 … 2 … 1-
Back when this blog was in its infancy, I made a confession to the 16 of you who read it about my most secret desire.
Since I know most of you won’t click that link (though you might now because you feel guilty), I’ll repeat what I said back in June 2008:
“I have a new goal in life. Just once, in concert, I'd like to show off my rhythm egg skills on this song with the Fountains of Wayne folk. No harmonies will be attempted, just some shake 'n' bake. Trust me, I've got the wrist action down.”
Friends, on Oct. 7, 2010, at the Bowery Ballroom in New York City, I didn’t succeed.
First off, I played maraca, not rhythm egg.
Second, I sang harmony.
Luckily for the audience, I’m certain our microphone had been turned off or waaaaaaaaaay down.
But aside from that, I think I pretty much nailed it.
(Look at the 0:40 second mark. I take a quick glance to my right and in a split second I realize: Mother Fletcher. I’m on STAGE! With FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE! Good Clapton -- this woman on the tambourine has less musical talent than Linda McCartney! This guy on my left is stiffer than George Michael in public restroom! TURN IT UP, UNCOOL! UP TO 11!)
Video: Hey Julie by Fountains of Wayne (Bowery Ballroom, NYC, Oct. 7, 2010)
After the concert, fame followed me. Down to the basement.
“Hey, you were on stage!” said the man behind the man behind another man behind 15 other men waiting to empty their beer-bulging bladders.
Another man behind him, who had six others behind him, agreed. “Yeah, you were on stage!”
“That I was,” I said. “Now, could I cut in front you guys?”
Next time, I’ll add “cutsies” into my contract rider.
* * *
My eternal thanks to icm65, whomever you are, for taking and posting this video; and to David McTiernan – college student by day, rockin’ keyboardist by night -- who graciously took these photos upon request when my camera battery died and My Love was too under the influence to operate her iPhone camera.