Thursday, June 27, 2013

Love is Patient, Love is Kind … of Like Spam

14 clever quips

On this 16th anniversary of my marriage to My Love, I’m happy to report our wedded bliss is still unspoiled.

We have been told the same is true of our marital can of Spam.

Our friends gave us Mork (named so by me as it is a “meat like pork”), leaving it along with hundreds of unpopped popcorn kernels on our honeymoon bed.

The popcorn, I know, was an homage to my bride’s Cornhusker State upbringing. But Spam? I can be a ham, but did I forget some greater symbolism behind this gift?

marital-spam-in-bed-unccolSpam in the honeymoon bed. The popcorn is under the sheets.

So I called the U.S. Library of Congress. That’s where Justin, one of the purchasers of Mork, earns a living.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Then Katie Couric Called Me “Hot”

18 clever quips

Here it is. Me and Katie Couric.

Oh, and three other guys who wisely prevent me from talking most of the time.

I sit nervously, apparently on the verge of a seizure, until around the 3:10 mark (though just prior to that you can hear me holler “Bro code!” amid the rabble).

The best part? Unlike My Love or The Mother of All Uncoolness, Katie let’s me have the last word.

That’s among the many reasons she’s a permanent member of my list, people.

Next week, I’ll give you the whole backstage story on how I almost didn’t get to the show.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Katie Couric, I’m Ready for My Close-up

4 clever quips

If you’re near the TV today when Katie Couric’s talk show Katie comes on (for those in and around New York City, the show airs at 3 p.m. on WABC, Ch. 7), you’ll see these handsome blokes (and me) at one point:

[katie-show-jon-kevin-lance%255B4%255D.jpg]

That’s NYC Dads Group members Joe McLaughlin to the left of me and Lance Somerfeld to the right as we wait patiently in the green room of the show.

They waited. According to Joe, I just trembled a lot.

Look over Lance’s shoulder! It’s Katie, smiling down on us like the angel she is!

Sigh.

She interviewed us about our lives as at-home dads. It went … well – well. I think. Lance and Joe killed it. I had one joke kinda go nowhere but I did get a nice smattering of applause with with one statement I made the end about gender not being a measure of parenting talent. I hope that made up my other multitude sins, many of which went on in my head and which I promise to detail along with the whole story of me having to bribe my way through the New York City transit system to get to studio for the taping that morning.

But first, watch the show. It’s the same one with Julie-Louis Dreyfus. Go to the Katie website to find the show time and channel.

It’s worth it if only to watch me blush uncontrollable when Katie Couric calls us “sexy.”

Uh-oh. I’m trembling again.

+ + +

BTW, one of the many reasons I haven’t been blogging much is I’ve been busy working at the editor of the NYC Dads Group blog. Read the gripping announcement!

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Father’s Day Gifts for the Modern At-Home Dad

2 clever quips

Father's Day is Sunday and, speaking on behalf of my fellow sperm donors, it’s time you stopped shortchanging us on the gifts.

greatest dad hatWe deserve better because studies on modern parenting, such as the recent Pew Research Center report on “breadwinning moms,” show a growing conspiracy against dads’ well-being. Moms “leaning in” to advance their careers and decades of badgering dads to be more involved parents have heaped unprecedented amounts of housework and child-rearing duties on fathers everywhere.

No longer can we come home from a hard day’s corporate dronery and Ward-Cleaver-it in our cardigan and easy chair, answering Junior’s inquiries about life with clichés or a deft “go ask your mother.” Now we cook meals, participate in PTAs and iron sharp creases into our wives’ business suits to help them shatter glass ceilings. Fatherhood has evolved into a high-stress, guilt-ridden occupation with longer hours and less pay.

Holy Betty Friedan! We dads have become our mothers!

My Uncool Past

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