Monday, March 30, 2015

Catch as a Catcher Can

7 clever quips

Spring training came early for my little baseball player.

By “early,” I mean a few days before Halloween when he started a two-month clinic at a local sports academy. Not sure what I mean by “little.” Excitable is nearly 5-foot-6 and has mistakenly played in my Size 11 cleats before.

He’s following my footsteps in another way. He’s going to be a Little League catcher.

boy baseball catcher's gear

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Dads’ Advice to Their Sons

2 clever quips

buzzfeed logoI’m not a fan of Buzzfeed.

Not the “What kind of bellybutton lint are you?” quizzes that over populated my Facebook feed until I found a way to banish them.

Not the listicles loaded with animated GIFs ripped off from other people’s sites.

However, I’m not opposed to appearing on its pages because, damn, it’s hard to be an aging parent blogger, yo.

Monday, March 16, 2015

Dear Amazon: Parenting No Longer Just Moms’ Domain

0 clever quips

Moms and dads – we differ in so many ways, obvious anatomical naughty bits aside. Yet regardless of childrearing style, regardless of who wins the bread and who makes it into PB&Js, moms and dads are both parents and both caregivers.

That is the heart of the ongoing campaign for mega online-retailer Amazon to change the name of a discount program from "Amazon Mom" to "Amazon Family," the name it already uses in Canada, the United Kingdom, Germany, Japan and France.

#amazonfamilyus amazon mom

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

What to Expect from an Apple Electric Car

0 clever quips

The business and tech world has been tripping over itself in recent weeks over word that Apple -- makers of the iPhone, the iPad and iIndigestion – are working on an electric car. Based on the experiences I’ve had with the company’s iGadgets, I predict the following:

  • An Apple iCar will come with a sealed, non-replaceable battery. It will start acting erratically after about two years, requiring you to upgrade to the latest model.
  • Every time you start your Apple car, you will be alerted to upgrade the onboard computer’s software. When you finally do, the car will only travel at a blistering speed of 7.3 mph. Your genius dealer will tell you that you cannot revert to the old software, but he will gladly sell you a newer model of the car that handles the improved technology.
  • If the windshield cracks in your Apple car, the dealership will offer to replace it for a small fee. Your genius dealer will then change his mind once he looks under the hood and sees an internal indicator has been tripped that shows you violated the warranty by once allowing a non-authorized bottle of water to sweat profusely in a cup holder. Your Apple dealer, however, will happily offer to sell you an exact replica vehicle as a replacement. At full value.

apple-car

Thursday, March 5, 2015

This Winter Isn’t Even for the Birds

2 clever quips

buried-cardinal
Spotted this poor guy, buried beak first in a neighbor’s yard, on a walk about the ‘burb during a brief pause in the continuous barrage of cold and snow.

Quitter.

Monday, March 2, 2015

The Winter of This Malcontent

4 clever quips

I’m feeling nostalgic these days. Nostalgic for global warming.

New England winters like San Diego springs. Oceans rising all around us. The landlocked unwittingly blessed with beachfront property. Sigh. Sure, the environmentalists screamed and moaned about losing the polar bear but, deep down, they went to bed salivating at the prospect of increased access to fresh fish tacos.

Now we have “climate change.” Idiotic name. “Change” implies a shift in the routine. Instead it’s day upon day of subfreezing temperatures and foot upon foot of snow. You know: winter-like weather in winter. I do appreciate the endless supply of cocktail ice and that merely cracking a window prevents it from ever diluting my happy hour, but enough is enough.

Where’s a nutty professor claiming our zealous burning of fossil fuel will permanently keep our home heating bills in check when you need one?

frozen twig and berries
Not my frozen twig and berries.
Photo: http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/

My Uncool Past

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