Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Nobody Expects the Spanish Imposition

2 clever quips

NOTE: This is my latest “Party of One” newspaper column, which you may have read on Facebook because you’re friends. Or you may have ignored it because you have a life to live. Either way, there is a critical update at the end.

Parents tread a thin line between success and failure at raising their children, and rare is the time when your own kid inks that line as clearly as our daughter Li’l Diva did.

This tale, like so many we were supposed to learn in school but cheated only ourselves by simply poring over the Cliff Notes, begins in medias res with a shocking discovery. Enter my wife -- concerned look, furrowed brow, a question tinged with accused failure on her lips.

"Have you ever had the drug talk with your daughter?" Note the girl is mine. Possession is nine-tenths the other parent's in troubled times.

2012-09-29 18.00.16 HDR

Monday, March 31, 2014

Warming Up for Opening Day

8 clever quips

The clickity-tickity-tick of thousands of needles fighting unsuccessfully to stab through the shingled roof over my head woke me around six this morning.

Half-blinded by unfulfilled REMs while blinded the rest of the way by the  nearsightedness I’ve been cursed with since childhood, I groped the nightstand for my glasses before stretching over to reach the window shade.

Even in my bleariness, I clearly recognize winter’s last big ”eff you.”

View from my living room 7 a.m.