Monday, June 18, 2012

My Doppelganger

21 clever quips

Folklorists and the writers of the sitcom How I Meet Your Mother would have us believe that everyone has a doppelganger, a twin of some sort -- most likely of the evil or Bizarro Superman variety.

I, dear friends, found mine. And of this I’m pretty certain: I’m the bizarro one.

Let’s climb into the WayBack Machine to when I started this monument to my lack of employment four years ago. After I came up with my blog’s name, I Googled the word “uncool” for shots and gargles (that would be gin and Listerine to hide smell of said gin). A link came up to this book:

day i turned uncool dan zevin

The Day I Turned Uncool: Confessions of a Reluctant Grown-Up
by Dan Zevin

I bought it and packed it between my boxer briefs and allergy meds for a read on our family vacation to the Dominican Republic. That’s when I REALLY bought it.

“My Love,” I recall saying through a haze of sunscreen and Presidente beer. “I am not alone.”

Friday, June 15, 2012

Hair Today, Gone Yesterday

2 clever quips

Just a quickie to note Murphy had an excellent appointment with Vet No. 3 yesterday. She thinks his nasal fungal infection from hell is finally all gone, despite the still occasional snot rocket he fires with a sneeze.

She said she was also most impressed with how good his coat looks after his most recent bout with the infamous autoimmune disease that renders him bald.

Which got me looking back at some photos.

Which made me wonder how I have ever managed during this crisis not to brush him into non-existence.

dug-fur-porch Yep, those are not snow piles in spring. All those white blobs are Murphy fur.


Monday, June 11, 2012

Charity: An Uncool and his Money, Part Duex

12 clever quips

wine_money My Love and I once found ourselves at a charity wine-tasting, It should have been called a charitable wine-tasting because they we’re all pretty awful.

This explains why we were both sober enough to realize we held the winning ticket in the 50-50 raffle.

UNCOOL: Whoo-hoo! Look at that! (waving wad of twenties and singles) Two hundred and thirty-seven big ones! We got our admission fee back and a little more. Free bad wine for every one!

MY LOVE: Ssssssh! Put it in your pocket before someone comes over here.

UNCOOL: What? You think we have some thieves among us? Muggers? (shudders) Madoffs?

Friday, June 8, 2012

A Very Saxy Interlude

16 clever quips

When it came time for Excitable to select an instrument to learn at school this year, his initially mentioned an interest in the flute.

This would have been awesome if he had previously shown any interest in my dusty stack of Jetho Tull vinyl in the corner of our basement, or at least in this key scene in one of my all-time favorite movies:

Truth be told, his only interest came from knowing his sister had played flute in elementary school and that she might be able to help him fake his way through it.

Well, as long as it wasn’t the screech of the violin, I could live with it. However, I thought I’d drop one sly hint on someone else’s behalf.

“Your mom,” I said, “would LOVE it if you tried to learn the saxophone.”

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Friends and Workers: An Uncool and His Money, Part 1

11 clever quips

life-money My Love is funny about money. She rakes it in professionally and is generous to a fault with friends and strangers alike, yet Scrooge-like with me and my doings.

ME?! The modern day Jack Benny of household and personal thrift? Let’s explore this in the next few posts.

+ + +

One night in the not-too-distant past, I sought the seclusion of my home office to finish some odds and ends on my computer. This immediately raised suspicions in my wife.

MY LOVE (decloaking from ninja mode): What are you doing?

UNCOOL (wetting pants) (because I spilled my beer): GAH! Jesus Alou, honey! I was sending an email to our neighbors.

MY LOVE: About what?

Monday, June 4, 2012

The Invisible Scars of War

15 clever quips

matt proulxMemorial Day is a week past yet I still find myself thinking of those who sacrificed their lives to protect our freedom.

In particular, I think of Sgt. Matthew A. Proulx of the New York State Army National Guard.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Win Burn Notice, White Collar DVDs

26 clever quips

Summer is unofficially here and nothing says so more to me than parking my paper-thonged butt in front of the flat screen, flippin’ on the USA channel and watching the new seasons of a couple of my favorite returning shows:

To celebrate their return (Burn Notice on June 14; White Collar on July 10), I’m giving away DVD sets of Burn Notice - Season 5 and White Collar - Season 3. white collar burn notice dvdTo win one of these, just leave me a comment below – any comment --by noon EDT, June 7, and you are entered in a random drawing. If you prefer one show to the other, say so – otherwise it will be dealer’s choice on the prizes. Simple as that.


My Uncool Past