Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Answering the Questions No One Asks Me

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The time has come, the blogger thought, to write of many things. So let’s once again reach into my imaginary mailbag to see what real topics are on the minds of people who would need real help if they imagined I could provide any.
What can be done to bring back diplomacy that would lessen the threat of nuclear war between the United States and North Korea? — Signed, Stop Pushing His Button

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Holiday Newsletter for the Modern World

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Dear friends, relatives and co-workers who are not on the HR “watch list,”
Merry/Happy Whatever-You-Do-And/Or-Don’t Celebrate! Welcome to our family’s annual holiday newsletter!
We know it’s 2017. We aren’t Luddites. We’re are on all the major social media platforms (including Anxietizer, D-Nouncer and, of course, TimeSukk). We dutifully document by word, photo and hashtag every meal and movement (even THOSE movements — bless our poor parakeet’s IBS) because, as our youngest child says, “Thank you, Kardashians!”
But the physical act of writing a letter, putting it an envelope and paying a deep-in-debt quasi-government agency to deliver it oh-so-slowly is so comforting, so cathartic, so old-school uncool America. That’s why I’m writing this by hand with a piece of only the finest Appalachian strip-mined coal available from Williams-Sonoma. If it was good enough for Lincoln’s homework, it’s good enough for you! So pardon the smudges, and here we go:

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Killing Them with Random Acts of Holiday Kindness

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The holiday season is a time of traditions: some beautiful, some hokey, most with the best of intentions unless they involve “The Chipmunk Song.”

In our home, the one tradition we deal with even more often than even that screeching novelty tune is the call to “be nicer to one another.” It is usually made by my wife and often punctuated with me yelling “dammit.” (Her request tends to come when I’m in midst of testing burned out strings of Christmas tree lights.)

This year, as reliable as a Starbucks’ holiday cup controversy, My Love made her annual plea for more civility almost no sooner than we had disposed of the Thanksgiving turkey carcass. However, her request contained a twist.

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

A Higher Education in Going Broke

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These graduates spent so much on their education that they could not even afford pants. (Photo by Melissa Johnson on Unsplash)

You’ve undoubtedly heard about the rising costs of higher education in the United States.

As the parent of “rising” high school senior with "falling" income who is fresh from a two-day, three-university, 600-mile tour of prospective Northeastern institutions, I CANNOT say this is true.

Only because the astronomical price tags have left me completely speechless.

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Muggle Conjures Up Wizardry for Surviving 20 Years of Marriage

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us

The world celebrated all the make-believe magic it could the other week, the 20th anniversary of the publication of the first Harry Potter novel.
In the real world, I celebrated how I made my wife believe I’ve been worth staying married to for 20 years.
Now that’s a real magic act.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

And Piles to Go Before I Sleep

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Write what you know, they say, which is what I’m doing as I wedge this post in between today’s fourth and 45th load of laundry.

Life may be short but laundry is eternal when you have two teens involved in things such as high school sports and taking a bazillion Snapchat photos of themselves, the latter of which requires changing outfits like spastic cable remotes change channels. Which reminds me of an old joke:

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