Thursday, May 14, 2009

When Jesus Tags You ...

Some Jesus freak hit me up with a meme. Here goes:

WHAT ARE YOUR CURRENT OBSESSIONS?
Coaching youth sports. Not an obsession so much as a punishment for past childhood crimes against adults.

WHO GAVE YOU THE BEST ORAL SEX OF YOUR LIFE?
Who hasn't. You? Sorry, but applications are not being accepted at this time.

WHAT'S FOR DINNER?
Turkey tacos, assuming I can coax the fat bastards into the corn shells.

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST FEAR AT THE MOMENT?
Not producing a single funny or interesting answer to this meme. Now it's death by cattle prod. Is that spot on the back of my hand cancerous? That egg salad I had smelled a little funny. NEXT QUESTION!

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Old 97s Blame It on Gravity CD. Just finished this tune:



"He takes your hand tenderly / and he whispers sweet surrender. / Nothing is how he feels about girls like you / with your flip flop smiles /and your big blue eyes on vacation."

The Old 97s, by the way, are one of the handful of great things I found in Dallas. Shiner Bock and Sonic drive-thrus complete the list.

IF YOU WERE A GOD/GODDESS, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?
Vengeful. I'm sick of minding my manners for idiots' sake. Some cathartic release would be tasty. As would receiving the best oral sex of my life. Huh -- where was I?

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE HOLIDAY SPOTS?
The ones the eggnog leaves on your coffee table and your liver.

WHAT ARE YOU READING RIGHT NOW?
This meme. And An Arsonist's Guide to Writers' Homes in New England by Brock Clarke. Not simultaneously, mind you. I only do that when I'm driving and texting.

WHAT ARE FOUR WORDS THAT DESCRIBE YOU?
Seated. Mostly upright. Sarcastic.

WHAT IS YOUR GUILTY PLEASURE?
Cheese, glorious cheese; reruns of Quantum Leap; and power pop. This video kinda covers all three (with time travel to the '80s being the QL connection):




Sometime I'll have to tell you about my meetings with The Knack. And that is "meetings" -- plural.

WHO OR WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
The catchphrase "Shave My Poodle" and the men who say it.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPRING THING TO DO?
Try the new line of seasonal ales, sneak in a ball game while the rest of the world is at work, smite the unworthy heathen. Sorry, I flipped back to that vengeful god question for a sec.

WHERE ARE YOU PLANNING TO TRAVEL NEXT?
About four feet to the left to let the dog back in through the sliding glass door next to my desk.

WHAT IS THE BEST THING YOU ATE OR DRANK LATELY?
The last thing I ate or drank. I try to enjoy every sandwich. Especially with a Copperhook Spring Ale.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE TIPSY?
A few weeks ago on my birthday. Complimentary champagne goes right to my head. The Tanqueray and tonic before the bottle of pinot noir didn't help the cause.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE EVER [MOVIE]?
Obviously Almost Famous. It reminds me of a time when I was the smart kid on the block with endless potential and enthusiam ... all of which I inevitably failed to do anything worthwhile with. Meh -- it happens.

WHAT IS THE BIGGEST LIFE LESSON YOU'VE LEARNED FROM YOUR KIDS?
Everything is negotiable when you make the sad, puppy dog eyes.

WHAT SONG CAN'T YOU GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD?
It may be because I just turned 41 or that I've been listening to the "Classic Vinyl" channel on Sirus/XM too much lately:



The Who - Dreaming From The Waist 1975

I feel like I want to break out of the house
My heart is a-pumping, I've got sand in my mouth
I feel like I'm heading up to a cardiac arrest
I want to scream in the night, I want a manifest

I've got that wide awake, give-and-take, five o'clock-in-the-morning feeling
I've got the hots for the sluts in the well thumbed pages of a magazine
I want to drive, want to fly like I do in the dreams I've never really been in
I want to hump, want to jump, want to heat up, cool down in a dream machine

I'm dreaming ... from the waist on down
I'm dreaming ... but I feel tired and bound
I'm dreaming ... of a day when a cold shower helps my health
I'm dreaming ... dreaming - of the day I can control myself
Day I can control myself

Drive like a priest and then I'm shooting lights
I'm burning tires with some guy whose hair is turning white
I know the girls that I pass, they just ain't impressed
I'm too old to give up, but too young to rest

I've got that numb-to-a-thumb over-dubbed
Feeling social when the world is sleeping
The plot starts to thicken then I sicken and I feel I'm cemented down
I'm so juiced that the whorey lady's sad sad story has me quietly weeping
But here comes the morning
Here comes the yawning demented clown

I'm dreaming ... but I know it's all hot air
I'm dreaming ... I'll get back to that rocking chair
I'm dreaming ... of the day I can share the wealth
I'm dreaming ... dreaming - of the day I can control myself
Day I can control myself
Hey, hey!
The day I can control myself


WHAT BOOK DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU SHOULD READ BUT REFUSE TO?
The Bible and Stephen King novels. I'm a vengeful god so I know how they will turn out.

WHAT IS YOUR PHYSICAL ABNORMALITY/ABNORMAL PHYSICAL ABILITY?
Does my peg leg cover both?

WHY DO YOU THINK YOU WERE CALLED INTO THE REALM OF THE LIVING?
Someone must have needed a date for the prom.

15 comments:

  1. A couple of thoughts -

    In answering the question 'four words that describe you,' you failed to say 'holder of my heart.'

    You must tell me how 'An Arsonist's Guide...' is. I picked it up and read the jacket today while at work, but I'm in the midst of another book at the moment.

    Finally, I'd have ditched that dude's ass in a heartbeat to go to prom with you. When I say I love you, you scream you bettah!

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  2. My fear is fleas eating my brain in my sleep. Or maybe they did that already?

    Anyway, just wanted to let you know I wrote a little something, here.

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  3. I would be a benevolent deity. Heaping love and prosperity upon all who worship me.

    Of course if they were to forsake me...then the vengeful thing sounds about right.

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  4. Well, you can put your biggest fear to bed b/c your answers were hilarious!

    I wish I had XM b/c I think I'd really dig the classic vinyl too!

    Have a great weekend!

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  5. Mmm... Copperhook. I enjoyed one (ha!) of those when we made a pilgrimage up to the mothership in Portsmouth last winter.

    Btw: nice answer on the god/goddess question. Sounds kind of familiar, in fact...

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  6. This is my first visit to your blog. I certainly learned a lot! Quantum Leap, now that's a flashback. And driving and texting? Cool, so I'm not the only one who does that.

    Blogging Mama Andrea as Venus

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  7. I'm only here because of the twitter threat to be kicked out of BHJ's cult.

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  8. Uncool? You're sarcastic? I NEVAH would have guessed that in a kagillion years!!!

    Rock on for QL though ... fookin' rockin show. A show that could really be 'RE-MADE' right about now too!!!

    blessings

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  9. Quantum Leap - now that was a good show.....

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  10. First of all... I give you props for finishing this meme. People use to tag me all the time... and you know what. I HATE tag... I was never fast enough to not get caught... okay I just pretended that with the cute boys.

    Anyway... where was I?

    Right... I was going to say, all of the songs you listed... didn't know a ONE of them. i suck. sorry. But I did get some education because of that today.
    Thank you for that.

    And I can't believe you are a Professional Dad coach... that's SO awesome! :) It's not a job for everyone... only the best ones!

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  11. I knew I liked you. Anyone who watches Quantum Leap is cool in my book. It also makes you a geek, but that's irrelevant.

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  12. Awesome! Those may be the best meme answer ever.

    The fact that you hailed Shiner Bock is just gravy.

    :-D Anna

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  13. I wish reruns of Quantum Leap came on any channel that I have.

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  14. Vengeance is thine.

    Shiner's kind of the mainstay 'round these parts. You can rest assured that any place you go, if there's nothing else decent on the beer list, there's always Shiner to fall back on.

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REMEMBER: You're at your sexiest when you comment.

My Uncool Past

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