Friday, August 27, 2010

Vodkamom Receives an ‘Incomplete’


Boys and girls, settle down please. While I’m buried in martinis and David Sedaris essays during my self-imposed Blogger Rehab today, everyone’s favorite alcohol-swilling kindergarten teacher, Deb of Vodkamom, will be substituting.

She was supposed to be here last week, but she had to make an appearance in her local newspaper, then on the Today Show blog and … well, I’ll let her explain the other reasons for her tardiness.

* * *

Top 5 Reasons Vodkamom Did NOT Finish This Post

5. I was busy e-mailing my bloggy friends, aunts, uncles, brother, sister, teacher friends and some of my enemies to beg them to vote for Cure JM to win a $250,000 grant over at the Pepsi site. While most of them said they’d be glad to, they also felt the need to tell me that they were sick and tired of my e-mails begging and pleading to vote for things. Then when they realized I
didn’t want them to vote for ME - they said OK. Then they proceeded to block anymore e-mails coming from me. I’ve been spammed.

4. I was busy fighting with Bitchy and Sassy over buying EVERYTHING that wasn’t nailed down at Target and Wal-Mart, and packing them off to COLLEGE, and forgot I had promised Kevin I would guest post. Then the ensuing
sobbing caused such a FLOOD that my keyboard wouldn’t work for three days. Honest.

3. I was traumatized over offending one anonymous commenter when I blogged my crazy two weeks of worrying about FATTY lipoma – and forced myself to stay away from the computer.

2. After realizing that we hadn’t requested enough financial aid for Bitchy AND Sassy to attend college, I have been spending the last three days e-mailing everyone and their brother who might have any ties to the financial aid office at BOTH universities. It’s on days like these that I regret being Polish.

1. While preparing for the news that I MIGHT have cancer (sorry, Anonymous, for sharing my real true life) I was busy eating 12 pints of various flavors of Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream. Then, upon hearing the news that I would in FACT live, albeit with a FATTY LIPOMA attached to a chest muscle, I ate even MORE ice cream in CELEBRATION of my prognosis of life.

Now, I’d like to write an even MORE incredible post, but I have to go workout like a madwoman to try and negate the 12 BAZILLION calories I shoved in my mouth over the weekend.

* * *

Keep voting every day through the end of the month to help Cure JM win a $250,000 Pepsi Refresh grant. We need to hold on to the No. 2 spot until Sept. 1 to win the money. If you can, also vote for these other great kids’ causes we are supporting.

You can also text your vote once a day – text 100850 to PEPSI (73774)!


  1. Ice cream truly goes with everything.

  2. Mine is under my left shoulder blade. I'ved named it Peter Tork.

  3. To forgive is divine. So sad there's not an ounce of divinity in this crew.

    Remember, if you give me A'mous's IP address, I'll take shim down.

    I too have no friends left both in real life and in the blogosphere. We can commisserate over milk and cookies.

  4. I've given up ice cream and have moved on to CREAM PUFFS. They are INCREDIBLE.

    Now, does anyone have about two thousand dollars laying around? Apparently you have to PAY for college.

  5. When I was younger, I met a lot of nice young ladies working their way through college.

    Or that's what they told me as the serviced me.

    I meant served me food. Waitresses.

    What were you thinking?

  6. Oh Lord Scope...crackin' me up...

    You incomplete me.


  7. And oh yeah, Everyone take five seconds and vote for Cure JM if you haven't done so already.

    I will make your weekend :)

  8. Just realized that I have made one hell of a typo.



  9. great work on the cure for JM...need to go vote today and see what place it is in...

    anonymous commentors are to use a shotgun on them...or at least the delete button...

    did you at least eat cherry would be ok then...

    and glad all is clearer on your lump VM...

  10. Incomplete, but hey she came through. Give her a little hardship excuse.

    Mom of 2: HIGHlarious!

    I guess I'm going to have to start naming my cysts.

  11. You're in blogger rehab and invited VodkaMom to host?! Bad bad idea. :)

  12. I used to freak over ugly comments by made by the nameless. No more. If you're gonna talk to me, then tell me who you are. I got rid of my gun a long time ago.

  13. I used to freak over ugly comments by made by the nameless. No more. If you're gonna talk to me, then tell me who you are. I got rid of my gun a long time ago.

  14. OMG!! The comments are making me cry here!

    VM So glad your prognosis was a good one!

    So have you been sharing your Cream puffs with your Kindergarteners or just torturing them by eating them in front of them?


REMEMBER: You're at your sexiest when you comment.


My Uncool Past