Wednesday, June 8, 2011

They Called the Band ‘Poison’ for a Reason

bret michaels celebrity apprentice poison to your ear drums Remember your parents always complaining about how the music you listened to wasn’t as good as the stuff they did the boogaloo to when they were kids?

Well, guess what? Now you’re the parent. Time to learn from some of your youthful foolishness and make better decisions when sharing your tunes with the wee ones.

Here’s the start of what I wrote yesterday on on the subject …


I "get" the concept of Kidz Bop.

Take the pop hits of the day. Sift the bump-and-grind rhythms  through a Size 45 Lawrence Welk cone filter. Scrub in some Ajax to remove any hint of naughtiness from the lyrics ("brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack" in Tik Tok by skank dance queen Ke$ha becomes "brush my teeth and then I go and pack" ... yet it still leaves a scummy film on my skin after listening.) Finally, let a Holiday Inn warbler share the lead vocals with some truly average sounding children who fill in the chorus and harmonies with their screeches.

Bland as instant oatmeal but, geez, it beats that Satanic turdgrinder Raffi. His music has been known to wake coma patients just long enough so they can unplug themselves.

Now, the whole Hair Metal scene back in the '80s -- that I never understood …

Read more …


  1. Aloha from Waikiki :)

    Comfort Spiral




  2. Much to my dismay, the kids have programmed a Big Hair 80's station on the car radio. Much to their dismay, Mom and Dad can sing all the words (and phone numbers).

  3. How do you feel about The Wiggles?

    'Holiday Inn warbler' was killer!

  4. Well now, I'm all for collaborating with children and advancing music and all but seriously? And I am a huge Brett Michaels fan - sorry, he's HAWT!! - but the song just made me want to thrash my head against the wall....and my kids, they love 80's hair bands, and Johnny Cash, and Roy Orbison, and Tom Petty, and Pitt Bull so their musical tastes have already been compromised - at least they don't like the Biebs!

  5. Bijoux: I admit that I was cool with the Wiggles, though their subject matter got very repetitive. Fruit Salad, yummy yummy.

    My fav kids' CD was the first soundtrack to the "Bear in the Big Bear House" TV series. T1 used to sing along to it in the back of my old Accord to and from daycare.

  6. Krystal: I knew there was still hope to save you from evil's clutches.

  7. Bijoux: Bear in the big BLUE House. My fault. Not enough caffeine.

  8. when I was a kid, I thought I had the most awesome taste in music EVER. My parents did not agree. I recently listened to some of the stuff I used to like and holy crap is it horrible :S My parents were right, they were.

  9. Other then being the prettiest rocker ever, why is Brett Michaels considered a legend?


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