Truly Useful Christmas Gifts for this Parent

Truly Useful Christmas Gifts for this Parent

Dear Santa,

Kris K., my man! How long’s it been? A year? 

Sorry not to be in touch sooner, but you have to take some of the blame. It’s not like you don’t where to find me, Mr. Sees You When You’re Sleeping. Make it easy on me in 2017, and finally get a Snapchat account.

I know it’s always tough coming up with gift ideas for people like me (middle-aged trophy husbands with teenagers and a floundering writing career) so I thought I’d give you some boldface hints. In fact, some of the items on my list will surely benefit many others around the world. Here you go:

This Dummy's Guide to Being a Slum Lord

Slum lord Snidely Uncool, at your service.

Not many people will admit their life’s ambition is to become a slum lord.

However, after spending a week repairing rental homes and the week after changing various bandages on my body, it seems like a solid career move.

Droughts Stink and So Do I

You know what truly stinks about our area's ongoing drought? Me.

Sorry for the stench, lower Fairfield County, but to comply with the water company’s call for voluntary conservation as our reservoirs edge closer to summer-in-Las Vegas levels, I’ve been doing my part by avoiding the shower. Your nose won’t thank me but the rest of you should.