For a boyfriend: Buy a CD at Wal-Mart or burn a CD of your favorite songs for him. Maybe concert tickets for the two of you.
For a grandfather: Buy him a flag kit so he can proudly display the Texas colors from his porch.
For a teenage girl: Lips gloss and foundation.
Pretty tame stuff.
Then came the gifts for dad, and a reminder that Sarah Palin was right -- I’m not a real American.
Pocket knives and … did she say … ninja swords?
I am going to be quite PO’d if the Things get me another Greatest Dad hat this year.
Then, in the next video I found, Ashley – my poor sweet Ashley – baring her pure angelic soul and broken heart to me.
Yes, dear innocent Ashley, your mom should have warned you.
Never EVER give a boyfriend your pu- … um, ... cat.
Intrigued and a tad obsessed, I felt the need to seek out Ashley and tell her, yes, yes, yes – some guys are dogs and most are dog people. You are from Texas; you should know this. You can’t hunt with a cat, mi lady. They don’t even fit well in the gun racks.
So I went directly to the Village Expert channel to find her and, friends, rather than my fresh faced Lone Star flower, I kid you not, I was smacked in the face with this on the home page:
That’s some fine cinematography. I can’t stop thinking about huge pine cones.
What was I saying?
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Note: Ashley appears to be a college student hoping to become a music therapist. To wash away all the sins I’ve committed against her in this post, I’m embedding this video she put up last night (I was her first viewer) of her singing “O Holy Night.”
PS: Ashley -- I’m not stalking you despite what My Love has been saying all night while I played your videos and typed this. I’m promoting your promising career as a singer/spokesmodel. Just list me in the acknowledgments section of your first CD.
Or send me a ninja sword.
UPDATE: What! She already pulled down the video! Ashley – you’re killing me here. Let’s try “Silent Night” (yes, I was the first viewer for this one, too).