Monday, November 8, 2010

Movember Moustache Resistance, Parts 1 and 2

Things have been getting a bit hairy under my lip of late, so this weekend I outed myself publicly.

day-7-village-people (This look lasted all of 5 minutes. That’s how long it took me to steady my hand from the convulsions of laughter I experienced after seeing myself in the mirror.)

“I’m growing a moustache to raise awareness about men’s health issues,” I told the parents of Thing 2’s soccer teammates. I handed them slips of paper with the URL for my Movember donation page because doing things like that help you achieve your goals of:

  • Helping raise money for research into prostate and testicular cancer, and
  • Preventing people from alerting the authorities that a man with suspicious looking facial hair is hanging around at youth sporting events.

“Are you going to a Movember party at the end of the month?” asked one father.

“Not as of right now. You actually have heard of Movember?” I said.

“Yes. Some guys I know did this last year,” he said.

“How come you’re not growing a ‘stache?”

He eyed a women I suspect to be his wife.

Luckily for him, she had her back to us.

Unluckily, though, for any poor bastards who get cancer of the prostate or the man sack.

+ + +

After setting down my racket bag at my weekly tennis match, I handed my doubles partner one of my Movember cards.

“I’m growing a moustache to raise awareness about men’s health issues,” I said to him, a man in possession of some form of facial growth for the 20-plus years I’ve known him. I expected some compassion, some understanding, and definitely some sympathy for my nascent soup strainer.

Instead …

“AWARENESS OF MEN’S HEALTH ISSUES?!! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! ALL THESE HEALTH STUDIES ARE DONE ON MEN! WE NEED MORE AWARENESS OF WOMEN’S HEALTH ISSUES!!”

(Capital letters alone do not do justice to the volume and air of shock in his voice. Or to the looks from the people on the court next to us.)

“Um, we did just spent an entire month in a world painted pink for breast cancer awareness.,” I said. “That campaign is pretty pervasive, so …”

“BAH! MEN’S HEALTH ISSUES! LIKE WHAT!!”

“Uh, prostate cancer. Men are more likely to be diagnosed with prostate cancer than women are to be diagnosed with …”

“PROSTATE CANCER! THAT’S SO TREATABLE. C’MON!”

Now, I was not about to be sucked into a debate over the merits of one cancer versus another (as if cancer has merits – it all sucks, for cryin’ out loud – it’s CANCER!). So I listened to him go on more about biases in medical research toward men’s issues, how Major League Baseball had raised money for prostate cancer research this year and the like, and tried to figure out why this was a point of contention with him outside of the fact – and it is a fact evident if you knew this guy for 20 minutes, let alone 20 years – that my doubles partner will argue with any one over any thing any time.

“OK, fine,” I said. “Then don’t donate and just ignore all my on-court scratching today.”

We then proceeded to beat the other team 6-0, 6-2.

My moustache may not stop cancer, but it kills my tennis opponents’ rallies.

day-7-three-musketeers + + +

Don’t forget to donate, even if it’s just a $5, to me and my DadCentric mates as we grow ‘em this Movember!

27 comments:

  1. Bummer. You had the same handlebar biker 'stache I have going and shaved it off! Now we can't be buddies anymore.

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  2. Five minutes? That's all it took for you. I've been killing myself over here for at least 10. Make.It.Stop.

    The 2nd one actually brings out the blue in your eyes. Honest.

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  3. I am really enjoying the stubble -y updates!!

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  4. That's a weird reaction coming from a man. I might expect that out of a diehard feminist, but not a dude. What is he, an Ob/gyn?

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  5. How long do you figure it'll be before its...you know...an actual moustache and not like an 8 year old's Halloween hobo beard that he made with Mom's eyeliner?

    I keed, I keed.

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  6. Dude. I can grow a better mustache than you in half the time.

    And I'm a girl.

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  7. Shield: Just wait until I break out the Just for Men to get the gray out! Just you wait!

    Shannon: You want to brag about that? Seriously?

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  8. Quite obviously, this dude was an asshole.

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  9. At least you didn't wuss out completely. Like some people.

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  10. I'm leaning towards the Muskateer look myself. So many choices.

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  11. Ur Cool, Bro!




    Aloha from Waikiki :)

    Comfort Spiral

    ><}}(°>


    <°)}}><

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  12. See the power of the 'stache? It helps you kick ass in numerous ways.

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  13. What, no Fu Manchu? Too bad, bro. Keep up the good work!

    P.S.: I've already got a respectable beard, does that count?

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  14. Maybe using the handle of that tennis racket, in lieu of a traditional index and middle finger for a prostate exam, may have persuaded him to view men's health issues differently.

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  15. Even my 6th grader knows what Movember is. Apparently a bunch of teachers at the school are doing this.

    But as far as your 'stache .... now is the time to go for it. Don't play it safe. Release your inner 70's Porn Star!

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  16. Ditto what Shannon said. Maybe we should have a contest? ;) Does the hair that grows out of my mole count?

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  17. Your partner reminds me of the "Curb Your Enthusiasm" where Larry David debates good Hodgkins vs bad Hodgkins. Anyway once again you are doing a good thing even if that stache is going to frighten some folks.

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  18. That is some precision sculpting there dude. Almost looks someone stamped a moustache shape on your face.

    Hmmm . . .

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  19. Watch out Rafa and Fed, time to Uncool on the tour.

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  20. Dude. You're really dedicated, aren't you. That stache is MEAN.

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  21. I've never been able to make it past 3 days without shaving. I start to feel like the criminal I look like.

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REMEMBER: You're at your sexiest when you comment.

My Uncool Past

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