Movember Moustache Resistance, Parts 1 and 2

Things have been getting a bit hairy under my lip of late, so this weekend I outed myself publicly.

(This look lasted all of 5 minutes. That’s how long it took me to steady my hand from the convulsions of laughter I experienced after seeing myself in the mirror.)

“I’m growing a moustache to raise awareness about men’s health issues,” I told the parents of Thing 2’s soccer teammates. I handed them slips of paper with the URL for my Movember donation page because doing things like that help you achieve your goals of:

• Helping raise money for research into prostate and testicular cancer, and
• Preventing people from alerting the authorities that a man with suspicious looking facial hair is hanging around at youth sporting events.

“Are you going to a Movember party at the end of the month?” asked one father.

“Not as of right now. You actually have heard of Movember?” I said.

“Yes. Some guys I know did this last year,” he said.

“How come you’re not growing a ‘stache?”

He eyed a women I suspect to be his wife.

Luckily for him, she had her back to us.

Unluckily, though, for any poor bastards who get cancer of the prostate or the man sack.

+ + +

After setting down my racket bag at my weekly tennis match, I handed my doubles partner one of my Movember cards.

“I’m growing a moustache to raise awareness about men’s health issues,” I said to him, a man in possession of some form of facial growth for the 20-plus years I’ve known him. I expected some compassion, some understanding, and definitely some sympathy for my nascent soup strainer.

Instead …

“AWARENESS OF MEN’S HEALTH ISSUES?!! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! ALL THESE HEALTH STUDIES ARE DONE ON MEN! WE NEED MORE AWARENESS OF WOMEN’S HEALTH ISSUES!!”

(Capital letters alone do not do justice to the volume and air of shock in his voice. Or to the looks from the people on the court next to us.)

“Um, we did just spent an entire month in a world painted pink for breast cancer awareness.,” I said. “That campaign is pretty pervasive, so …”

“BAH! MEN’S HEALTH ISSUES! LIKE WHAT!!”

“Uh, prostate cancer. Men are more likely to be diagnosed with prostate cancer than women are to be diagnosed with …”

“PROSTATE CANCER! THAT’S SO TREATABLE. C’MON!”

Now, I was not about to be sucked into a debate over the merits of one cancer versus another (as if cancer has merits – it all sucks, for cryin’ out loud – it’s CANCER!). So I listened to him go on more about biases in medical research toward men’s issues, how Major League Baseball had raised money for prostate cancer research this year and the like, and tried to figure out why this was a point of contention with him outside of the fact – and it is a fact evident if you knew this guy for 20 minutes, let alone 20 years – that my doubles partner will argue with any one over any thing any time.

“OK, fine,” I said. “Then don’t donate and just ignore all my on-court scratching today.”

We then proceeded to beat the other team 6-0, 6-2.

My moustache may not stop cancer, but it kills my tennis opponents’ rallies.

+ + +

Don’t forget to donate, even if it’s just a $5, to me and my DadCentric mates as we grow ‘em this Movember!

Technorati Tags: Movember,moustaches,cancer,men's health,prostate cancer