Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Rejected Candy Hearts (#rejectedcandyhearts)

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The annual Twitterfest of devising sayings no one would put on those chalky Necco candy hearts is always one of my favorites. (This year it is at #rejectedcandyhearts.)

To me, it’s a challenge to be funny in as few words as possible because, face it, no matter how hilarious a candy heart saying “Your real mother was a Vegas stripper named Juggs Aplentee” would be, that wouldn’t really fit on a heart. Even if you wrote on the edges.

So here are some that I came up with:

Allergic 2 latex

Bend over

Better call Saul

Chastity rox

Chew me


E.D.? Not Viagra

4skin Ntact

4skin rox!

Got girth?

I’ll pull out

Into feet

Is it in?

It IS hard

It’s a sock

It’s a boy

It’s a girl

It’s not URs

I’ve done worse

Just a rash

Just the tip

Over not under

Put it away

Nice tramp stamp

Not insured

Not the face

Taste this

That’s it?

Touch me & die


3rd base, ez

Shave my poodle (nod to Michael Ian Black and the writers of “Ed”)

U done?


Will dry hump

Wrong color


  1. AhAHAhHAhHAH! YES!!

    "Better call Saul" - MY FAVORITE!!

  2. Chew Me and Wrong Color cracked me up. My kids could get those in a box and not really "get it"... yea know? :)

  3. Crack me up!! I will be snickering to myself tomorrow as I have my students writing letters using candy hearts... knowing what MY letter would be with your candy hearts. LOL


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