The business and tech world has been tripping over itself in recent weeks over word that Apple -- makers of the iPhone, the iPad and iIndigestion – are working on an electric car. Based on the experiences I’ve had with the company’s iGadgets, I predict the following:
- An Apple iCar will come with a sealed, non-replaceable battery. It will start acting erratically after about two years, requiring you to upgrade to the latest model.
- Every time you start your Apple car, you will be alerted to upgrade the onboard computer’s software. When you finally do, the car will only travel at a blistering speed of 7.3 mph. Your genius dealer will tell you that you cannot revert to the old software, but he will gladly sell you a newer model of the car that handles the improved technology.
- If the windshield cracks in your Apple car, the dealership will offer to replace it for a small fee. Your genius dealer will then change his mind once he looks under the hood and sees an internal indicator has been tripped that shows you violated the warranty by once allowing a non-authorized bottle of water to sweat profusely in a cup holder. Your Apple dealer, however, will happily offer to sell you an exact replica vehicle as a replacement. At full value.