Friday, September 25, 2009

Moxie Mona Does Stamford

Some blogging buddies of mine recently decided to embark on a new venture -- world domination via social marketing. They're starting small, though. This week they are simply conquering the United States

One of their business colleagues was going to be in my area yesterday, so they asked me if I could show her around and share with her some insights into my home state of Connecticut. Since they were offering me no money, no stock options and not even a fleeting flash of their breasts for this work, I naturally agreed.

*

I opened the door and there she stood in a red and gold bustier and knee-high stiletto boots.

wonder woman doll

All eleven-and-one-quarter inches of her.

 wonder woman doll2

"Hey there,stud," she purred with a voice I could have felt in my hip pocket had I only been wearing pants. "I'm Mona. Mona from Moxie Media. You should have been expecting me."

"Uh, yes, I was. Forgive me for staring, but did anyone ever tell you that you look a lot like ..."

"A bustier Megan Fox?"

"Ah ..."

"A sexier Angelina Jolie?"

"Well .."

"Yes, baby. I get that all the time."

"Well, um ... be that as it may," I said, "let, uh, let me change my clothes then we can get started. Sound good?"

"Yes, baby" she growled throatily, "all except that part about you and clothes. I've been through all the other 49 states this week and you're the first male escort I've had. Rrowlllllll."

Six minutes later, we were in The Manly Minivan, Barry White playing softly in the background and us cruising through my hometown.

"Since you're with a media company and all, I thought I'd drive you around to some of the many locations in Stamford that have be featured in movies and TV over the years. In between stops, I'll give you some background on the entire state of Connecticut."

"Lay it on me, stud."

"Uh, OK. Here we go. Connecticut was founded in 1627 by renegade Massachusetts pilgrims who challenged Rhode Island to boring contest. Unfortunately, we won. Hence, our state bird is the robin, our state song is "Yankee Doodle" and stores are not allowed to sell alcohol on Sunday."

"Hmm," she mused. "Good thing it's Thursday. How about you and I get butterscotch liqueur, Cool Whip and --"

"Whoa! There's our first stop! Cove Island Park!"

We hopped out of the minivan and walked to the end of the boat launch.

wonder woman cove island

"Cove Island was the scene of two major motion pictures," I told her. "Reservation Road, released right before Joaquin Phoenix went off his nut and became a Hasidic rapper. All the park and water scenes were filmed right around here. The movie, though, was a flop.

"More importantly, Cove Island was the setting for The Horror of Party Beach, the world's 'first horror monster musical' and definitely its worst. It was so bad it was featured on Season 8 of Mystery Science Theater 3000."


After a quick swing by the former arts theater that now serves as the home for Jerry Springer, Maury Povich and Steve Wilkos, (Mona declined having her photo taken there), we hit another part of the waterfront.

"Do you recognize that?" I said as she gracefully straddled a fence post.

"Mmm, well, sweetie, don't flatter yourself too --"

"No, no, no -- I mean the building behind you!"

stamford dunder miflen the office
She looked puzzled.

"That's the Stamford branch of Dunder Mifflin from the TV series The Office."

"Oo-oo! I love Jim! I just want to take some gel to that tousle of hair he has. Then I want to ride h--"

"Sorry, Mona. As you should recall, the Stamford branch was closed. It's a sad day when your hometown gets bitch-slapped. By Scranton, no less. Besides, they didn't film anything here but the exterior of the building. However, I do have a real-life Jim-related spot for you to see. And away we go!"

With that we headed north until we stopped right here:

away we go stamford

"I don't get it," she said looking at the screen on the back of my camera. "And why am I fuzzy in all these shots?"

"Uh, that's soft focus to romanticize your raging femininity. Like they did with Cybil Shepard on Moonlighting. Now, look at this photo. Maybe it will help:"

away we go location

She pondered the photo. "Say, those are the same trees in front of us. And same walkway. And that's JIM HALPERT ON THAT SAME WALKWAY!"

Once I pried Mona off the very flagstone actor John Krasinski stood on, I explained that this house was used last year for a scene in the Sam Mendes movie Away We Go. To date, its the only time in motion picture history that a scene that was supposed to take place in Colorado was actually filmed in Connecticut.

"So, Mona," I said. "Do you like shopping?"

We took a spin by the Stamford Town Center, which is neither in a town nor the center of Stamford. It's a mall. Here I showed her the parking garage and main courtyard where much of the Woody Allen-Bette Milder flop Scenes from a Mall was shot in 1990:

scenes from a wall woody allen bette midler

This shooting was allegedly the first time Woody Allen ever stepped in a mall. After the reviews came out, some say he stepped in something else.  It was also only the second time in motion picture history that a scene that was supposed to take place in California was actually filmed in Connecticut. The first time was The Horror of Party Beach.

"I detect a trend," Mona said with a wink and a nod. And a hand on my thigh.

"O-o-o-o-K, time to wrap this up with the mother of all entertainment centers," I said as I hit the gas peddle.

wwe headquarters stamford

"Here we are," I said. "The creators of Raw. The geniuses behind Smackdown! The people who put the handlebar in Hulk Hogan's mustache. It's the headquarters of World Wresting Entertainment. Pretty awesome, huh? And if that's not cool enough, their CEO Linda McMahon is now running to be the next U.S. senator from Connecticut."

"Wow," she said looking up with those bedroom eyes, "now can I get you in sleeper hold?"

"No, thanks," I said, "I think I already put my readers in one a few paragraphs back."

*

Thanks for visiting and best of luck to Laura at Better in Bulk, Angie at Seven Clown Circus, Jill at Scary Mommy, Kathy at Mama’s Losin’ It, and Francesca and Kacey at Mayhem and Moxie on their new venture. Cheers!

23 comments:

  1. Mona's a slut, the amount of blogs she's been spotted at...

    What?

    Ann's Rants had her dancin'...:)

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  2. That Mona.... Rawr. How you could resist her charms, I'll never know. And I had no idea that Stamford was such a cosmopolitan, happening city!

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  3. I think my Sonny would like to meet Mona. He's a Barry White fan, too.

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  4. I think Mona and I have the same arms. (psst! Mona... don't go for the strapless!)

    And now I'm aching for MST3K reruns. Monster Movie Musical? You've got to be kidding!

    Good luck to your friends with their new gig. :D

    - Julia at Midwest Moms

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  5. I would've died had Mona been a blow up doll. To see you dragging that around town... what a sight!

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  6. I hear that Mona is SUPER impressed by sites where celebrities have actually once worked. :) Seriously loved this post!

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  7. That was most entertaining. I think we missed out on a lot of fun not having Mona visit more men. Or maybe we were just playing it safe and keeping her out of trouble. She does seem like quite the player.

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  8. Who knew that so much on screen magic (term very loose) happened just a state away from me! All this time I have just been going there for the aquarium and the gambling!!

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  9. Wow, an afternoon with fake Linda Carter huh? Verra nice.

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  10. I'm glad Mona's straight. I wouldn't have known what to do had she made such a move on me while she was at my house. :)

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  11. Braja those are fighting words for sure...Mona did seem to have a way better time in Stamford then Megan Fox did! Come stop by today to see Mona land in San Francisco sweetie!

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  12. you have it all down pat uncool, how did you do that?

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  13. This whole 'around the world with Mona' thing reminds me a lot of Flat Stanley...only she's full of hot air.

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  14. Geez, lucky you that you were the only male tour guide huh? Sounds like you are just what Mona needed for last couple stops!

    Raawwrrr!

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  15. Popped in to follow Mona! It looks like you had fun with her!

    Though I've actually heard of that Bette Midler movie.

    www.aduckinherpond.com

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  16. LOL! Mona has really gotten around this week, the little tramp.

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  17. You should have called me, naughty boy!

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  18. nothing happened b/w you guys? nothing at all? Really?

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  19. Fortunately, we can finally purchase the hooch on Sundays. But then again, we do have Scranton.

    Thanks to Mona, I now know some interesting facts about Connecticut. (Now where are my car keys, I need to go to the State Store....)

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  20. As I read this, I kept thinking it sounded so familiar. So very, very familiar. Then I realized it sounded that way because this is EXACTLY how I have imagined our fateful meeting playing out one day, all the way down to the stiletto boots.

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  21. You are too funny!! Great Mona post.

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  22. Apparently we need to put more men on the tour next time. Either that or start with you first.

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  23. Hey there's the WWE building. A friend of mine used to work there. Didn't know all those things about Connecticut. I know John Wilcox founded Hartford (very distant relative of mine). Well, that was educational :-)

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