Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Cream and sugar with that, dog?

A member of the Uncool household has a drinking problem. Ha -- it's not me!

I fear I may need to send Murphy to doggie detox. It's his coffee addiction.

Unlike My Love, I've come to accept the Murphster's Oscar Madison-like ways at the water bowl. Sure, his enthusiasm for slopping everything over the sides of the dish has created a massive black stain on the hardwood floor of my office. But that's why Martha Stewart invented throw rugs, right? She understands.

And yes, his yellow Lab jowls suck up -- then promptly spill out -- all the excess water they come in contact with, usually on your slippers. I can live with that. As long as it's not toilet water he's drinking. I've only caught him doing that a few times when one of the rugrats left the lid up. (Don't pin that one on me, you gosh-aren't-men-clueless-pigs stereotyping stereotypes out there. I always fully close the throne. Not out of courtesy for the women folk, mind you; out of fear of dropping something important in there.)

Well, this morning, while I was upstairs rousing Thing 2 from his slumber, Doggie Do-Wrong's Super Smeller apparently detected steaming, home-brewed Dunkin' Donuts coffee with a splash of half-and-half left sitting in my thermal DD Mets' cup on the kitchen counter. He jumped, he bumped and I came downstairs to a pool of java on the countertop … cascading onto the floor … and onto the new bar stool seat pad … and the 25 really colorful but never used cookbooks we keep on the shelf under the cabinet.

And, there is the Murphinator lapping it all up like Kenny on "30 Rock."

I've caught Murphy nosing my coffee cup before with that wild-eyed look. I've seen him licking up drippings or overpours that hit the floor. But he's a 23-month old Lab, and he doesn't need to be any more wired than he already is. He needs a 12-stepper ASAP. Aetna better cover this one under the expanded family intervention plan.

Once this is kicked, we move on to his issue with packing peanuts. Have you ever seen poop-shaped Styrofoam before? It ain't pretty.


  1. I have a friend with 2 labs and when I would help walk them they would always find the discarded coffee cups with cream and sugar (they left the black ones alone) . Figure it must be a lab trait.

  2. I like animals, but if I had a dog and it did that to MY Dunkin Donuts coffee, it would find itself at the Hotel du Animal Control Services. I do not function properly without 24 ounces of hot, sweet caffiene in the morning...

  3. Maybe he's protecting me. Too much java does give me the shakes.

    And Murph does like to pick up used coffee/drink cups on the roadside and carry them around (definite retreiver instict).

  4. Well, everyone likes coffee! And, that dog is clearly dying for your attention!
    Be careful with doggie and packing peanuts. My friend's dog ate 4 peach pits (!?!?!?) and had to have some maaaaaaaaajor surgery to get them out.

    "Hotel du Animal Control Services."- MM, you are ridic! Again, I fawn on your every word.

  5. I swear Murph is teleporting to my house to drink my entire cup before I notice. They do say Labs are the genius of dogs!


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