Lesser Milestones

The blog finally snared Feedburner Subscriber No. 400 and Blogger Follower No. 100 simultaneously one day last week. Both turned out to be this woman -- Kathy B! from The World According to Me.

Then, the next day, my subscriber numbers swiftly fell 75 percent to 104.

What the Feedburner?

I've determined this happened because Kathy B! is just far too smoking for my blog. She must have short-circuited the counter system. What do you expect?

Admire the spunky "Zac and Cody" mom 'do.

Tremble at the arched eyebrow.

Most of all, fear the exclamation point.

I envision her talking to customer service reps on the phone -- you know the ones who repeatedly ask for your name and account number because $1.89 an hour in rupees doesn't pay for an attention span -- balling her pristine French tips into a fist and roaring:

"Damn you! I am Kathy B! With a 'K'! And a flippin' exclamation point! Now unscramble my goddamn Cinemax!"

Oh, Kathy B! You rock my little bloggy world.

She further endeared herself to me by e-mailing that I'd be perfect to participate in a future video "Chick Chat" she and some of her other equally tasty Mom mates organize. Yet more evidence that, despite what dangles between my legs (wait ... yep, it's there), I'm one of the girls in the blogosphere.

Can't wait until our first lingerie party, ladies. I'll bring the Jäger and cigars.

As such, Kathy B!, I'm honoring you -- Subscriber No. 400/Follower No. 100 -- with this totally girly yet oddly nameless award that Lea of the steely eyes and feathered hair (and a blog called From the Whispers of Her Soul) sent me. It denotes that:

• my blog is found "exceedingly charming" by the one dentist who failed to recommend sugarless gum for their patients who chew gum.
• I'm the kind of blogger who "aim(s) to find and be friends" with people online because they are far less likely to file charges.
• that I'm "not interested in self-aggrandizement" but not above accepting a long, lingering leer from a perfect stranger while I browse the antihistamines at CVS.

Kids, when it comes to goofy blog awards, you can't chose a goofier recipient than me.
Thank you, Lea, Kathy B! and the other 398 (or possibly 102) of you, but in particular the following seven other bloggers I want to hit on, uh ... present with this precious honor (note -- I'm only selecting people I haven't awarded something to in the past, otherwise you know you are always my first pick, faDkog):

• Sass from Are You Sassified?
• DW from Swirl Girl's Pearls
• Bee from Bee's Musings
• Kat from 3 Bedroom Bungalow
• Shelle at Blok Thoughts
• Julia at Midwest Moms

Winners -- please pick up your marching orders. The rest of you, go check out the people listed above because they deserve your attention.

You'll note no men on my award list. I mean, no self-respecting man would put that frilly thing on his blog, right? Nor would they post this '80s synth-pop parody featuring a singing and dancing Hugh Grant.

But then again, I'm not a man. I'm just a guy.
PS: I totally suck. I thought I had previously recognized my fair-weather drinking buddy Diana, aka CTMom. She definitely deserves an award for, if nothing else, all the Energy Packs she sends me during Mob Wars on Facebook. I always got your back Big Bad Spanish Mama.