You will receive not only the much beloved annual Uncool Family Newsletter but also an actual, old-fashioned printed copy of the first known photo of all five of us in which:
- We are all simultaneously looking in the same direction.
- Everybody's eyes are fully open, smiles straight and no questionable hand gestures appear near or behind anyone else's head.
- The dog is not prominently displaying an inappropriate level of lower extremity "excitement."
My Love and I personally placed the photos and newsletters into the envelopes ourselves! One of us gently handled each and every card, warmly sliding it with utmost care and love into the velvety slit and then caressing the flap with our own hot, moist tongues.
Oh, baby, yeah.
As such, this year each card also comes with an extra exclusive BONUS!
As special gift from us to you, receiving one of our holiday cards means you'll find yourself in possession of your very own set of … Uncool Cold Germs!
If after opening the envelope, your nose explodes and you develop a persistent cough that rattles you down to your kidneys (and possibly causes unexpected fluid leakage) then you have a card handled by My Love. Opening ones from me will only make the inside of your throat feel like it is being bathed in a searing flow of gravel, rust flakes and glass shards.