Monday, November 23, 2009

NaBloPoMo in Reverse (or, Life Is What Happens When You're Not Blogging)

My son did not slice me like a honey glazed ham on Halloween night.

Unless he did and my disembodied hands typed this up. Awesome.

That would, however, prove that you don't need brains to blog.

Insert your own joke at my expense.


(Must. Stop. Thinking. About. Ham.)

I haven't posted anything in the last three weeks because I'm protesting NaBloPoMo.

For those not in the know (and a belated happy hook-up anniversary to you, My Love), NaBloPoMo -- short for National Blog Posting Month -- is an annual event in which bloggers attempt to post every day in the month of November.

Makes no since to me either.

Didn't we all get into this blogging thing to avoid drudgery, responsibility and hard work?

We were going to write a few good posts early on, be discovered and get a book deal or a movie commitment, then live the rest of our days off residuals and the revenue from our Google Ads (in the last month, I've nearly cleared $4.50 -- thanks for clicking, Mortician Babe!).

We were all going make something out of ourselves without making much at all. It's what real Americans do, right? I mean, when they are not telling their story to Oprah. Or Sean Hannity. Yep, real Americans -- just like you.

So someone please get the memo to those NaBloPoMorons -- stat! You're making the rest of us look like sloths!

Or are you?

Since my last post, I've been doing things that require me to actually get away from my computer. And I don't mean watch TiVo. Well, not all the time.

It all started on Nov. 1, known to me as the holiday El Día Del Lastre, or The Day of the Dead Weight.

That's when, after an All Hallow's Eve traditional indulgence of Mexican food, margaritas and the Butterfingers that never made it into the trick-or-treat bowl, I step on the scale to assess the past year's damage.

It's never a pretty figure -- the one I cut physically or the one my scale gives me numerically. That's the price to be paid for a summer of grilled meats, sweet straw-colored ales and dipped cones from the outdoor Dairy Queen in our town. Frickin' butterscotch Magic Shell.
fat homer in moo moo
This year, the numbers were pretty awful and I faced the choice of getting off my ass (actually, mah belly -- she is the problem) or going the Homer Simpson "moo moo and fat man cap" route. I think what drove it home was us buying Wii Fit Plus and, after my first weigh-in, my Mii suddenly looking like he engulfed a mini-Cooper.

And a VW Bug.

And the state of Delaware.

As luck would have it, the weather this month has been amazing nice for November in New England. I've been taking Murphy on some extra long walks, cleaning the garage, fertilizing the shrubs, chopping up or disposing of the last wood pile in the yard (I even bought a chainsaw ... after Halloween, of course), stringing Christmas lights around the yard (nyah -- hate me), getting the Minivan of Manliess winterized, taking the Things to an indoor waterpark, volunteering at their school, etc.

You know -- real life.

Oh, I'm still bulging in the belly department (down three pounds, though). But, for the first time in a while, I'm feeling a physical sense of accomplishment.

Why, then, am I posting today just 7 days shy of my goal of sitting out the month?

Am I lonely?

Of course, but that's a peril of at-home dadness in the 'burbs. Word.

Is My Love suspicious of my non-blogging goings-on?

A bit. That new Webcam I bought probably didn't help matters. Honestly, it's only so I can now video chat with my favorite blogger in Utah.

Maybe I'm just afraid that I couldn't handle the success.


  1. soo glad you're back.
    you don't need to wait until the end of the month, I'm sure they heard you loud and clear and will immediately shut down their site. way to stick it to the man!

  2. We have the wii fit at home. I think it;s an a*hole.

  3. Love Shelle as well. She's my link to all-things-Utah. Come to think of it, I have several blog buds from Utah. Awesome!

    Post when you want, my friend. That's how it works . . .

  4. I had already decided that your son did away with you on Halloween night.

    And yeah...I could go for some ham right now as well.

  5. I don't understand NaMoPloBLo or whatever it is. mainly because I don't think anyone has that much to say.

  6. Hey! I got a mention!!! Score! That was pretty cool chattin it up with u! And u got to meet my kids! Lol! :)

    I didn't even KNOW you were stickin to the man! Apparently I have been to and then got lonely.

    I had no idea is was bloggers month or whatever? How did not everyone email me and try to get me on the band wagon??? I'm such a wagon getter oner!?

    I laughed so loud when you said it looked like your mii fit swallowed a VW or whatever! Ha! Of course that just happens to other people...NOT me, no not me at all!

    But if it got you out to complete some of the honey-do list then I applaud you.

    Thanks for the linky love...and we must chat it up again soon! :)

    Hey CHEEK are u be-friending other Utah bloggers because I'm not enough for you??? I kid I kid...well sort of :)

  7. Excuse all the errors, I'm commenting on my Blackberry and to lazy to double check until after I press, "publish your comment"

    Yea, I don't get it either.

  8. Yeah been wonderin what you were up to! Can't imagine blogging daily even if I HAD no life - which of course I do! Glad you didn't buckle to all the pressure!

  9. I was wondering where you poofed to!

  10. "Didn't we all get into this blogging thing to avoid drudgery, responsibility and hard work?"

    Well, this is why I READ your blogs. (see, I can accomplish this goal and be a slacker at the same time. Multi-tasking at its best.)

    Seriously, glad you are back. I felt a bit like a stalker checking in each day. Okay, maybe twice a day. Okay, um, maybe a few/twenty more times a day....

  11. haha. Nope. No NaBlahMoPoWhatever for me either. Damn the man.

  12. Yay! You are back! I did NaBloPoMo last year and hated every single minute of it. Still, when I say I'm going to do something, I do it...even if it means making myself and everyone around me miserable.

  13. I was worried there for a moment that something happened (to you or your loves)..

    glad to see your still just a hack.

  14. I thought about doing NaPa - whatever it's called, I forget. Haven't blogged a thing since 11/1. But glad to know you miss me.

    Btw, my torture sessions with my trainer are totally paying off. Wii Fit can kiss my ass.

    Happy Thanksgiving!

  15. "Didn't we all get into this blogging thing to avoid drudgery, responsibility and hard work?"

    Well said.

  16. I don't understand the point of writing a new post every day for a month either. Does it count if you pull a Jack Nicholson and just write "All work and no play..." over and over again?

  17. Add me to the list of those who are glad you're back. I can't even remember the acronym for this excessive blogging month, so therefore, I'm exempt from doing it. The world should thank me.

    We're getting a Wii soon - for free, huzzah! - but until the day it arrives, I'll be haunted by memories of the particularly delicious Reece's peanut butter cup Blizzard I had tonight, and the fact that it will be with me for a long time to come.

    btw, if I was blogging every day, today's entry likely would have been about that damn delicious Blizzard. Seriously. Thanks should be pouring in.

  18. I was about to ditch you from my reader, dude...okay, not really, but still three weeks is much too long to be off the Always Home and Uncool pipe.

    No witty comment today needed, so not going to leave my e-mail; I just wanted to drop in and let you know I missed you, man.

  19. Welcome back my friend. I am personally storing up for winter. It gets cold in DC. I need more layers of blubber.

  20. You find yourself needing the ol' dialing wand, because your fingers are too fat to press the buttons on your phone, you got problems. Right?

  21. I was ALSO unsupporting NaBloPoMo or as I like to call it, supporting NaNoBlowMe.

    Unfortunately, crazy shit still happened to me and I kept posting.

    So, in essence, I screwed myself.

  22. wait, did that all come out right?

    aw. screw it.

  23. Dude. I SO should taken November off. The shit that's clogging up my reader is fucking garbage.

    Oh, sorry. Do I sound annoyed? BECAUSE I FUCKING AM.

  24. Wait. Stop. You get money from Google? I suck. I can't even get past $1.50.

    Good for life instead of blogging about it! You go! Fight the power!

  25. I lost 35 lbs with Weight watchers.

    by all means, do this. it will peel off the wieght because it helps reign in the number of trips to the butterscotch factory.


  26. I was unaware of this conspiracy! Sound the trumpet, the horns, the drums!
    We must fight with all our strength against this insidious plot!

  27. Har har har....I did it for a month and am now in rehab. Thank god I let that go. Monkey off my back, brother!

  28. Hey, man, I was wondering where you were. Now I see you had a legitimate political purpose in mind. That's cool. I did not know this was supposed to be the month to post every day -- didn't even know there was such a thing. Seems stupid. I stepped on my scale yesterday and didn't like the results either. I still ate pie for breakfast though :-)

  29. I, too, was concerned after seeing your son's halloween pic. Now seeing how well he did with your disembodied hands, I know he is on his way to a successful life as a horror movie writer, mortician, or psychotic serial killer. HA
    I heard about NaBloPoMo & knew I couldn't subject myself to that. But, I have been feeling guilty about not posting more...until I read your post. Thank you. I feel much better now. At least about not posting. As for the money, congrats. $4.50 is about, well, $4.50 more than I made...LOL! Thanks for a great post.

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