Just Desserts

Every Wednesday night at 8 o’clock, the Uncool Family huddles together in front of our wondrous 46-inch flatscreen to watch our favorite family show, The Middle.

While My Love and I find most episodes of Modern Family to be gut-bustingly funny (especially the Valentine’s Day ones in which parents Phil and Claire attempt to rekindle the passion with some failed role playing … twice), it’s a little too adult for The Things. The chronicles of the chronically underachieving Hecks of Orson, Indiana; however, usually generates several good laughs without the need for me to explain the innuendos, double entendres and why Daddy drools every time Sofía Vergara bobbles by the camera.

(I also have a thing for Julie Bowen dating back to her character on NBC’s late, great bowling-alley-lawyer show, Ed, but she doesn’t cause the same involuntary reflexive in my salivary glands.)

(Or in my groin.)

The Middle, however, provides much simpler, cleaner teachable moments. For example:

We were laughing along at a repeat episode recently in which the mother, Frankie, throws out her back and is lying flat on the floor. There’s some battle of the sexes subplot going on so she can’t tell her husband she’s hurt herself and when he enters the room, she pretends she looking for a button.

The husband, Mike, announces that he just remembered that it’s their anniversary, so she should “throw on some heels” and he’ll take her to dinner.

“I’ll even let you order what you want and I will have something of equal or lesser value!” Then he adds slyly, “Maybe we’ll even head home for a little dessert.”

Frankie thinks (via voiceover) while squirming on the carpet in an attempt to hide her pain: Oh, God -- I hope he’s taking about ice cream.

Thing 2’s eyes widen.

The boy practically leaps off the couch and yells: “Maybe he’s taking about CAKE!!”

“No, son,” I reply, “I believe he’s talking about pie. Definitely,  pie.”

Thing 2 looks deflated and adds a simple, tongue extending: “Bleech!”

Someday his taste in sweets will change but, as I prove quite regularly, they never get any more sophisticated.