Are These Awards or STDs?

In the course of two weeks, my humble blog has received five awards.

OK, it was one award four times with a second award sandwiched somewhere in between.

Essentially, my fans have given me blog-award clap. If only I had paid more attention to that health ed filmstrip series in the fifth grade.

Let me start by thanking the bestowers of these itchy gifts:

-- Laurie of Posts From the Playground, who gave me the first award first and hope when I needed it most;

-- Literal Dan, the 2008 Best of Blogs winner (I'm required by law to write that) and a fellow at-home dad with writing ambitions and poop jokes to spare;

-- Tent Camper at I Pee in the Wind, who also knows what it is like to live in the shadow of a smokin' hot, all-powerful being;

-- Ms. P of Post Picket Fence, who I found slumming on my blog one day only to learn she married my former Little League battery mate; and,

-- Heather from Outnumbered by the Brood, who typed that I am "witty, a wonderful writer, and enjoys beer as much as I do." That translates to I am "goofy, a functional typist and a drunkard" -- none of which I deny. Actually, she made a point of noting that among the mommy blogs, I'm a "breath of fresh air." My manhood simultaneously salutes her and shrivels in her wake.

The rules for the ARTE Y PICO award (see end of post) that I won four times require me to recognize five other bloggers ... for each award. That adds up to six honorees. Eh, I was a journalism major.

So, please take a bow, accept your Spanish featherduster (hmmm, good name for an adult toy), then follow Da Rules at the bottom:

*** Kristine at Stamford Talk and Fancy Pancakes. Her work convinced me that "hell, even I could blog" … then she ended up as my first commenter. Oh, snap! Honestly, she's working hard to pump some life into my hometown. She also tolerates my "well, when I was a whippersnapper growing up in Stamford" smart-aleckiness in her comments section. Her readers don't. In real life, she looks a bit like Jennifer Garner. If Jennifer Garner had some bitchin' yellow nail polish. And a Benaffleck-ectomy.

*** The anonymous guy at The FTF (the First Time Father). He reminds me of what life was like when the Things were just rug rats. He reminds me that that part of my life is over with -- for better and for worse. He also lets me cheat at golf.

*** Marla of For a Different Kind of Girl and I will soon commence a long, passionate love affair. But first, we need to lock eyes from across the room at a Hooters reunion concert. We need to ditch the spouses. We need to deal with immigration. Maybe not in that order.

*** Dorky Dad because us dorky dads need to band together. Mommy bloggers are drunk with digital power. They're acting like … like, white male baby-boomer CEOs! Swearing, snorting, grabbing ass. Ladies, is this what you fought for all those years? DD, let's create a BlogHim ad network. Draft the Blogging Equal Rights Amendment. Damn these useless breasts of ours!

*** Bethany at The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks. Blame the alleged "editor" in me. Simple yet brilliant.

Next, the I LOVE YOU SO MUCH award wants me to spread the love to another eight bloggers. I'm giving it to only two because I'm a miserable bastard when I haven't had my RDA of fiber. Besides, these people really, really, really deserve your love:

*** Anissa at Hope4Peyton. She writes about her personal struggle with her young daughter's leukemia. As my best friend from high school died of this disease and I have a child with a potentially fatal autoimmune disease, I can relate to everything she writes. Except the neurotic dog. Mine has ADD.

*** Connie at Madeline's Journal. This is a journal written by a friend and fellow parent of a child with juvenile dermatomyositis. Except Madeline is having many more complications -- part of the reason Connie hasn't been keeping it up to date (hint). Read it (scroll to the bottom of her home page to start). You'll understand why we need help finding a cure for this disease.

That's it. Thanks for stopping by. I'm bewildered, blessed and in need of another beer.

* * * * * *

DA RULES (bend them as necessary):

If you won the ARTE Y PICO award:

1. Pick five blogs you consider deserving of this award, whether for creativity, design, interesting material, or contributions to the blogging community, no matter what language.
2. Name each nominee and link to his/her blog.
3. Show the award and include the name (and link to his/her blog) of whoever presented you with this award.
4. Link to the Arte y Pico blog so everyone knows the origin of this award.
5. Post these rules.

If you won the I LOVE YOU THIS MUCH award:

1. Post the I LOVE YOU THIS MUCH blog award on your site.
2. Name eight other nominees for the award in a post, and link to them
3. Cite this blog as the source of your award.
4. Post the award rules.