Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Baby Advice Gap

When my best friend from college had her first baby a few months ago, My Love squealed in giddy delight.

“If you ever need any advice, call me!” she chirped like an over-caffeinated canary to my friend several times during the call.

Leaving out her innate areas of expertise (breastfeeding, hormone fluctuations, creative excuses for avoiding non-procreative relations), the following are baby-rearing niches My Love is most qualified to consult on:

  • lying convincingly about whose turn it is to put the kids to sleep,
  • inventing rules that apply exclusively to the other spouse such as, “If you are leaving this house to run an errand, you are either taking the dog or taking the baby with you, Mister!”
  • how to avoid emptying the Diaper Genie.

Read more about those latter skills in Baby Unnecessities: The Diaper Genie, only on DadCentric.DG cartoon

What’s your spouse’s area of baby expertise?

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(Cartoon: Shoeboxblog.com)

18 comments:

  1. Mine is excellent at knowing just where to poke her husband in the back so he will get up and tend to the tot in the middle of the night.

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  2. My wife knows everything there is to know about babies! Ummm, we are talking about dog babies, right?

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  3. The smell of vomit makes The Hubby nauseous. Sorry. He'd love to help with the sick kid, but he just can't stomach it. Hmmmmm. (And I'm Princess of Puke?)

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  4. Mine knows that when the baby is crying when I hold her that she needs a diaper change. Versus when the baby is crying with her no diaper change is required. I pick her up and she starts crying minutes later.

    Diaper change.

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  5. Mine "the man in the relationship" always had an excuse when the baby had a poopy diaper. He had to cook me lunch for work or some other nonsense and I had to change the poopy diaper. Whatever!

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  6. Sorry, I got sidetracked, as is wont to happen when there are links to be followed. Still laughing at the "Ed" clip. Good stuff.

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  7. Naps.
    Give that man the baby, and they'd both be snoozing on the couch in seconds.
    Come to think of it, most pictures of men and infants are of them sleeping.
    What the hell?!

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  8. Son's father is best at walking away and finding ways to annoy me.

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  9. Mr. Kiss has the whole "I'm teaching them to pee standing up" thing that I just can't compete with.

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  10. That thing is dangerous in the wrong hands.

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  11. That thing is dangerous in the right hands too.

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  12. I got to teach them how to use the facilities and he got to clean up the puke. Our excuses? Well, they're girls so it's only proper you teach them. I'm sorry honey, I just gag and throw up right along with them. You'll have to handle this. I did. He did. It all evened out.

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  13. Thanks buddy for sharing with us.

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  14. Islam prohibits peeing while standing. And even its not good to pee while standing. So don't let the children teach this.

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  15. My spouse's area of expertise is teaching the kids about the characters on Star Wars and how to watch hockey by yelling at the television.

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  16. Not touching that one. My wife is a genius and an expert.

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  17. I don't miss the days of diaper sausage links that were made from the diaper genie. I do miss the baby stage, though.

    good times, good times

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  18. My hubby is amazing at sleeping through my 3 year old's loud demands for 'something to eat' at 6 am on Saturday mornings. But if I whisper that I want some early morning lovin, he's wide awake in 1/2 a second flat.

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