Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Never Too Thin ... or Too Into Male Gymnasts

Some people spread themselves out too thin. Me, I'm more of a lumpy gravy, chunky-style peanut-butter type.

That is why I have no posts for three days and today, I have posts on other two sites and one right here.

You might enjoy the insights on my relationship with My Love, her kin and nature in "Suburb Boy Gets Campy," which I wrote for my kindly patron and monthly drinking buddy, Meg at a FairfieldCountyChild.com -- the destination for parents in my 'hood with disposable income to spare and no shame to admit it.

Meg's in-laws, who include an NFL Hall of Famer, would probably enjoy my follow-up "Dear Brett Favre -- Week 2" over on DadCentric.com. Maybe not. He played for the Giants.

You don't have to like sports to like that last post. It's all about black magic and making pacts with Satan. The Devil, yeah, yeah -- snort!

I know my best friend, L.B. Stutter, will find it intriguing that I have now twice posted about football. She spent our mutual week at the beach house in August maligning the fact that I had no interest either in the Olympics or most other sports outside of baseball.

First, I watched part of the Olympics. I'll give you Michael Phelps and some of the track events. But I sat through 30 minutes of synchronized diving. Not synchronized swimming, mind you, but diving.


Next, I watched a bit of the men's gymnastics -- the floor routines in specific. I'll confess that watching those guys sprint across the mat at breakneck speed then perform those potentially neck-breaking quadruple flips and whatnot was amazing and frightening all at once.

But what's with the little girlie flourishes?

You know, these muscled-out men have essentially defied gravity, broke a few laws of physics with these mid-air body contortions and shook the popcorn out of someone's bag in the cheap seats with an earthquake-inducing landing. Then, they finish by pointing their pinky toes out like they are testing the ocean's temperature and gazing longingly toward the heavens with arms spread in fainting protest like Scarlett O'Hara after Sherman: "No, no, I shan't go on like this! The Yankees! The Yankees have burned Daddy's cotton fields! And they've taken two of three from the Rays in a crucial pennant race!"

Oops. Strike three on me.


  1. Geez, I thought I was the only one who wasn't interested in the Olympics.
    But football? I can get down with that.. I only wish that, well... my state had a team.

  2. Making pacts with the devil, the NFL ... yep makes perfect sense!

  3. Watching men's gymnastics is a much manlier pursuit than the alternative in the Winter Olympics.

    Men's figure skating. Woo-gah!

  4. We were watching men's gymnastics and my husband turns to me and says, "these guys are fairly coordinated right?" I laughed, because hello? Splits in mid-air while balancing on your finger tips? But my husband went on to point out that the American men were the only team that could give reasonably decent hi-fives to each other. The other countries just sort of struggled with the hetero man-play that went on down in the pit.

    Also, sorry to accidentally guest post (long winded) in your comment section.

  5. I didn't watch any of the olympics except for the beach volleyball. But not just because of my boyfriend Phil Dalhausser, it's because of my true LOOOVE for the sport.

    sorry, but I won't be patronizing your Brett Favre post, despite your claims that there is plenty of other sandwich filling there, if it has ANYTHING to do with football yet does not contain the words "Tom" and "Brady", I can't be bothered.

  6. You're right that there's a certain tragically lost opportunity with Men's Gymnastics. They need to throw in some gladiator-training-like activities in there, or something.

  7. Sam - What state? Denial?

    Chris - The devil, the NFL and the Yankees. Though I think the Yanks have run out of options.

    B.E. - The images. Ah. It burns!

    Jenbo - Wow. He was paying a little TOO much attention there.

    Manager MILF - Be bothered. And hot. Tom Brady is mentioned. Ha!

    Literal - Now that I would watch.

  8. The little girl 'flourishes' are just to remind us that as strong and athletic as these men may be...they are still smooth down below like my daughters Ken dolls. Too short and squat for Ice Dancing ...just sayin'.

  9. Let me say that you had me snorting iced tea with this post and poking fun of the toe pointing. Dude. You HAVE got a point!

    I didn't watch the Olympics either for newborn reasons, but I did catch highlights and the golds on Oprah yesterday. That will have to suffice this time round.

  10. um (or is yum): i'm with manager mom.

  11. I much prefer football to the Olympics any day of the week. Especially Sunday. :o)

  12. THANK YOU! Men's floor exercise IS the gayest thing ever. Pommel horse? Manly. Rings? Freaking amazing. Floor exercise? WTF, Jazz hands!

  13. I spent most of the olympics trying to talk my cat down from a ledge, so I can't speak to men's gymnastics. Micheal Phelps really reaked havoc on our feline friend, and he hasn't been the same since.
    He really believes he could beat Micheal and when he asks my husband time and time again "Daddy can I have swimming lessons", my husband just ignores him. Can you imagine?

  14. I'll confess to finding myself up at 2 a.m. a few times during the Olympics, watching men's gymnastics, and turning to no one in particular and asking, "So. What do you think it is that makes these guys think 'You know what? I want to straddle bars and flip around. How's I go about doing that?'"

    Then, huh, I craved chunky peanut butter. Super crunch - or as I like to call it, supa crunch - if you please.

  15. Love the post at dad centric. I live in Packer country and we were not allowed to talk about the retirement at my house. On Sunday, my husband watched the Jets game just to get his Favre fix. Now I have to deal with the Packers and the Jets on Sundays. I do not like football. I am not happy.

  16. swirl - Best comment for this post yet.

    Mommy - Better than snorting the illegal stuff.

    Ms. P - Settle down, girls.

    Denise - Agreed.

    Annysa - I never used the "G" word. You did. Just setting the record straight.

    Laurie - I can't. I'm too busy imagining Anne Hathaway feeding me a grapes.

    FADKOG - You make everything sound dirty. That's why I love you so.

    Collette - I'm sorry. Let me talk to BF about that.

  17. I thought I was the only person on the planet who didn't watch the Olympics. Glad to know I'm not alone, even if you didn't watch much.

  18. I don't know how you managed to mashup sports and Gone With The Wind, but that was brilliant!

  19. Man, I watched so much olympics it hurt. I felt jet lagged when it was over, trying to get my body back on schedule. Like manager mom, I was all into the beach volleyball (wait, there was a guys team?).

    The tough guys in mens gymnastics, they get to be dainty with their toes 'cause they could mess you up in a heart beat. Kinda makes 'em sexy, in a metrosexual/heteroflexible kind way, no? Yeaaaah, no.


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