Monday, November 3, 2008

Who Won't Get the Uncool Vote

To the Honorable U.S. Sen. John Cornyn (R-Texas),

My Love and I want to thank you for your repeated phone calls over the last few days reminding us to vote for you Tuesday. We were most impressed that you weaved our names so clearly and seamlessly into what were otherwise pre-recorded robo-calls. That's the kind of ingenuity and technical skill that will make America great again, sir! Have you considered sharing your talents with those poor folks at GM?

However, we must inform you that we have not lived in Texas since 2004. Selling our house, turning in our driver's licenses, and not paying local taxes for four years should have tipped your staff off. The area code you called might have also have been a giveaway -- dude, it's from the left-most region of the latest, gayest state in the union! Eh, well, who can tell with cell phones and the unsettlingly liberal use of number portability these days?

Still, given your zealous support of the Patriot Act and wiretapping without judicial approval or just cause, we were sure you would have been better informed of our whereabouts. Frankly, Senator, we're ... uh, relieved, actually.

Therefore, it is with regret that we must inform you that neither of us will have a say in your pursuit of a second term Tuesday. Be assured it is only a matter of location and has nothing to do with your stand on the issues.

You lucky bastard.

17 comments:

  1. I hope he doesn't read your blog or your busted.

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  2. I'd vote for Big Red , the chewing gum, over this guy.

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  3. I was just saying this morning, I don't really care who wins one of our local races, I am just ready for it to be over. Everyday I receive a phone call, piece of mail, or a flyer from the candidates. The ads on TV have gotten really nasty. I get it. You want me to vote for your guy. Great. But next time you come to my house uninvited with hate mail about the other guy, I'll let the dogs out on you!!!!!

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  4. Ha! I've been begging people who are still Texans to vote this idiot out before he gets any seniority since that whole "activist judges deserve to get whacked" (because, you know, they never deal with hardened criminals!) comment he made a few years ago

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  5. Didn’t you hear? You can still vote no matter what city, state, COUNTRY you’re from. Just say yes to everything the register people say and your golden!

    The motto in Chicago “Vote early vote often”

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  6. The state of NC keeps calling us even though we have lived in DC for 5 years. They must miss us real bad.

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  7. Come on everyone knows they love them Blue/Red maps. We will all miss them terribly.
    Isnt it great to know that he cares enough to call the very best.

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  8. Kind of makes you wonder about their abiltiy to organize when they are missing such obvious clues. At least he wasted campaign resources to have those calls autodialed. What a moron.

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  9. please tell me that's not a real ad campaign! I'm voting for Big John any day. Where's my Texas hat? I used to live there, think I can still vote?

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  10. Just wait until he calls you after the election. You should get a restraining order.

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  11. I don't live in TX. Never have. Don't know anything about the politicians there. But last night while watching the coverage, I laughed because I recognized John's name solely because I read your blog that morning!!! Too funny!

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  12. I imagine today, you're out there in the middle of the street at high noon, doing 10 paces in a shootout with Big John. Not because I necessarily think he's going to be gunning for you, but more like I just like imagine you in various scenarios.

    And let's just say, chaps suit you.

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  13. that was a nice laugh in the morning! Almost spit my coffee on the screen!

    Obama called me- and my son was so pissed that he didn't get to talk to him that he answered the phone EVER TIME it rang for the last week and a half!
    Thanks, Obama. I was tired of being the only one who answers the phone.

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  14. I found it particularly amusing that somehow he managed to run completely on Bush policy, but not utter his name once.

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  15. Somewhere, a Cornyn is weeping.

    Funny, I do live in Texas, but I don't think he called me.

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  16. we ditched our land line two years ago, and haven't had an annoying phone call since...er, unless you are counting the times when my mom calls...or your mom...

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  17. We're in this together, my friend, as I posted about recently. I'm disheartened to hear I may still be getting these kinds of calls and letters for at least 3 more years since leaving Northern Maine to return to Chicago.

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