Thursday, December 11, 2008

The Ol' Heave Ho-Ho-Ho

Today's the big Secret Santa Can Suck It gift swap, hosted by Bee's Musings. This post is about what I bought the blogger I was assigned.

Trolls suck. They make obnoxious comments on your blog then scurry off to hide under a bridge or as Fox News commentators:

Gnomes, on the other hand, are all right. They're good for a free beer, quick with a joke and willing to give you blog inspiration when you need it the most:

That is until you piss them off. Even the smallest mythical creatures have ego issues from time to time:

Next thing you know, they're organizing unruly "flash" mobs to bring you down:

Then, they really get out of control. They're running wild and causing havoc all over your home and blog:

So, to you, VE at VE's Fantastical Nonsense, to keep all those potentially rebellious gnomes lurking in your site header under control, I give to you this -- the "Gnome-Be-Gone Goodfellas":

Happy holidays! Find more great gifts at


  1. Your brains?

    Are too full of acrid insanity and effervescent funny to eat. They would give me heartburn.

  2. Oh this was great. I am sure VE will appreciate the thought you put into his gift.

  3. That was hilarious and seriously? Who knew there were so many naughty gnome pictures??

  4. I want to meet the people who laboriously crafted those very special gnomes.

    Look at the shading, the attention to detail.

    And better yet, I want to meet the poor, underpaid Chinese factory workers who are probably made to paint the buttcracks all day, every day, fascinated and horrified in their conviction that all Americans have at least one of these up on their mantles.

  5. Wow. Pornographic gnomes. Some people have way too much time on their hands.

  6. you clearly have too much time on your hands.

  7. dang I LOVE gnomes happy SSCSI day!

  8. I need to know who buys the naughty gnomes and remember the neighborhoods to avoid when looking for my next house.

  9. I'm still in shock! I've never in my life pictured gnomes having sex. It was kind of disturbing in a hilarious sort of way. LOL!

    Got up for a cup of coffee sat back down and I'm still laughing.

  10. Those gnomes give me the creeps.

    Elves are better this time of year! ;)

    Thanks for the funny... um, I think.

  11. I don't know which is scarier. Just seeing Bill O'Reilly or gnomes behaving badly.

  12. You made me LOL so hard...those gnomes are naughty!!

  13. Man, I'm still looking for my SSCSI gifter and I thought maybe it was you, but Nooooo...VE gets like the best gift ever, GoodFellas and a lot of naughty troll porn to boot!

  14. Is this something I can pick up at Target or Spencer's Gifts?

  15. This is AWESOME! And you'll note it was just what I was hoping for. I even said so on my blog post.

    Superior use of artwork...check
    Content is fantastical...check
    Gnomes and quite naughty...check

    Wow...a perfect Christmas. And I see you also learned where that phrase "Size doesn't matter" comes from now...

    Thanks for the present. YOU ROCK!

  16. Usually when I see a post with Bill O'Reilly's face, I just move along.

    The porno gnomes made it all worth it.

  17. I am a long standing fan of gnomes. I once was married to on efor 10 years. He could never distinguish between the fantasyland and the real we divorced. many people surprise....they are hung!

  18. the gnome gang bang actually made me spit out my coffee.

    and burned my retinas...thanks.

  19. too funny, i had no idea their was gnome porn

  20. I came for gnome porn and gnome porn I got. My night is complete

  21. Um, that was so dirty I need to suck my eyeballs out and have them Windexed clean.

    Gnomes freak me out.

  22. Good Lord! Troll porn!

    Why didn't I think of this?!?!

    Come to think of it, I always did have a thing for short guys...

    :^) Anna

  23. Wow! Great gift for VE!
    It's like you've always gnown what he wanted.


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