Monday, January 12, 2009

Show Me Your Wares

This, I've learned, is "Delurking Day." It's when people who regularly read a blog but don't normally comment (known as "lurkers," "voyeurs" or "glue huffers") are supposed to finally show their cybergoodies by posting on said blog.

At this blog, those people would include:


  • My Love. Though I suspect she sometimes has her admin break down my posts into bullet points for insertion into a PowerPoint presentation she can quickly review between conference calls on weighty subjects such as how to best correlate carbonation levels in fruit-flavored, non-caffeinated beverages featuring artificial sweeteners with Band 10 retirement package for executives in non-G8, non-Democratic but vaguely American leaning global markets with excessive helium reserves.
  • The Mortician Babe (who calls My Love to tell her how funny my blog is ... prompting the need for the PowerPoint presentations)
  • The 16 people who receive this blog by e-mail. I know all your names and Social Security Numbers. Comment or I start issuing credit cards in your names to the people who do comment here.
  • The 163 people who regularly visit my site every month in search of "Kari from 'Mythbusters." This peaks, I recently discovered, every time they re-run the episode where they put Mentos in diet soda. Think about it. Google it. You'll understand.
  • The 127 people who visit here every month wanting to know whether the actress who plays the mom on "The Suite Life of Zack & Cody" is pregnant. Wikipedia says she was, squeezing out a little girl in May. Now go buy her a gift. Oh, while you're at the store, get a life. And maybe a dark chocolate Milky Way for the drive home

Even if you do comment here, on occasion or regularly, do so again. My goal is to finally break 50 comments. If I do, I'll be incredibly pumped because I'd finally have achieved a goal!

Then, I'll be incredibly depressed because I would have gotten the most comments ever for writing absolute tripe filler.

Then I'll be incredibly pumped again because that means I have friends out there in the ether!

Then I'll be incredibly depressed again because I know I only got them by begging, pleading and whoring myself.

Then I'll be incredibly pumped again because these moods swings will qualify me for some real sweet prescription meds!

Which, in the blogosphere we know, is a prerequisite for snagging a book deal.

--------------------------------

Voting for me at Humor-Blogs.com will also ease your troubled mind and remove embarrassing stains from your contour sheets.

68 comments:

  1. i'll be #2 too. only 48 more to go.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes, I'm a lurker, I'll admit it.
    But I've come out of the shadows for this very special day.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I don't know why I usually lurk here and comment everywhere else, but consider me delurked.

    ReplyDelete
  4. i read but dont write

    ReplyDelete
  5. I don't lurk. I comment. Perhaps too much and inanely but there you have it....

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'd comment, but my lawyer has advised me against posting on this blog...

    ReplyDelete
  7. I follow you, so I'll consider myself de-lurked.

    ReplyDelete
  8. since you devirginized my 'not even actually up yet' blog, this is the least i could do.
    especially when you manage to include pumping, whoring, and begging all in the same post and didnt even have to resort to posting soft porn pics.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'll show you mine if you show me yours. At the very least, I'll tease you with the possibility that I might show you mine, but in reality, I'm shy and prone to giggling. Lots and lots of giggling.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm #12. I'm prepared to comment 36 additional times if that will foster your mental well-being...

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm all for whoring out oneself for comments. Keep on, keepin' on.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Raising my hand to be counted.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I only come here to comment.
    Should I be reading too?

    ReplyDelete
  14. Ok ya got me, i will delurk for this one :) I read you through my Google Reader. Thanks for the laughes :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. non-lurker here...

    share the love, dude.

    commenters get what they give (nudge,nudge, wink, wink)...

    ReplyDelete
  16. The glue I've been huffing usually makes my fingers stick to the keyboard so I don't comment. With the help of my new 12 blog program I'll try to remedy this problem.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Okay, I'll do my part but you have to share the meds.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Someone's sharing meds? I'm in! I need all the help I can get on Mondays...

    ReplyDelete
  19. I comment occasionally. I admit it's not enough but since you're begging...

    ReplyDelete
  20. *delurks, only to lurk again....*

    ReplyDelete
  21. I do not want to tell you the secret, but you do have friends out there in the wild spaces of the internet. Sadly I usually comment some of the wall thing that leads people back to my trivia on the environment:'http://joeykenvironmental.blogspot.com/'
    and especially since I am trying to find all the 'badies' and blast them to kingdom come! I didn't really say that garbage, did I?

    ReplyDelete
  22. I refuse to delurk.

    I will, however, unlurk.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I don't lurk. I prefer to call it "swinging by" or "dropping in." But I guess in real life, I wouldn't "swing by" and stand on your porch without saying hello or knocking...

    ReplyDelete
  24. Well, it's getting late and i'm 27... Still, 27 ain't bad.

    My readership is, at this point, more imaginary than yours.

    ;) -mm

    ReplyDelete
  25. Here I am!! I'm one of the worst lurkers ever lately.

    *waves* Happy Delurking Day!

    ReplyDelete
  26. And....delurked.
    Although I have commented on here before, so I guess that totally doesn't count.
    Whatev.
    xo

    ReplyDelete
  27. I'm pretty new to your blog. But that doesn't excuse the lurking. And though I'm a fan, I didn't find you by Googling "Kari from Mythbusters".

    But I'm here. I read. I enjoy.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Dude, really? I think Kari doing mentos is pretty hot.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I am delurking... but I'm brand new to reading your blog.Have a great day!

    ReplyDelete
  30. ok ok ok, I occasionally lurk, I'm not proud about it! But I was actually diagnosed with a disease today, so I thought I had an out. Apparently I was wrong...

    ReplyDelete
  31. Yep, I'm a lurker, not a writer. No blog as yet. But I do forward on your blog to my husband and kids when it's reminiscent of what goes on around our house. My husband loved the one where you had to get My Love's laptop - "Serpentine! Serpertine!" - one of our all time favorite movies - The In-Laws.

    ReplyDelete
  32. yep i'm here. always here lurking. why i am such a sorry commenter i don't know. i love comments on my blog so you'd think i'd be the first to lay down a comment on the blogs i love to read! here's to delurking day. i should try this on my blog. again. see what happens. you're at 35. here's to big comment love today!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Officially Delurked. I enjoy your posts from just up the road in Fairfield

    ReplyDelete
  34. delurking to say hi!

    I often forward your blog to friends...

    ReplyDelete
  35. Yes I stalk you and am a bad commenter. But your at 38 now, almost there!

    ReplyDelete
  36. I only check those who have something worth while to say. In your case its just charity...

    Keep up the funny.

    ReplyDelete
  37. I'm from the South. I don't know how to read...

    ReplyDelete
  38. hi. I read. I don't think I've ever commented though.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Had to read it again...(and laugh)

    ReplyDelete
  40. 50 individual commentators, or just 50 comments? Anyway, I hope this upped your score a bit, you comment ho.

    ReplyDelete
  41. helping you reach your goal 'cause I'm cool like that.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Dude, if you see anymore of my wares you'll have to pay me!

    ReplyDelete
  43. #47! Damn it break 50 already!

    It's been a while since being around your blog and man IT'S BEEN TOO LONG!

    ReplyDelete
  44. So close!!!!

    I always forget when de-lurking day is. I end up making it the day after on my blog. Thanks for reminding me to hound my reader(s?!) to post a comment tomorrow!

    ReplyDelete
  45. DAMN IT! Damn time zones!

    Had I known about this "delurking day" yesterday I would have also posted about it and perhaps increased my comments.

    As it is, only half of my regular commenters commented on yesterday's post. And it's no where near 50.

    ReplyDelete
  46. I'm already on the meds. Where's my book deal?

    ReplyDelete
  47. Ooh, I get to be the one to throw the comment total over 50. That's even better than being number 1.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Lurker here. Just found your blog not so long ago. Now write and entertain me!!!! ;o)

    ReplyDelete
  49. So I wasn't here yesterday and missed your delurking day. I've commented on occasion, but not regularly. I think that makes me a half of a lurk. or just a jerk? Who knows. Either way, I'm a sort of lurker who has been mentioned by "name" on your blog before :)

    I'm in Mississippi, but if I'm ever in your neck of the woods, we'll all grab a Yuengling. Then I will no longer be a lurker.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Glue Huffer?

    I'll have you know good Sir that my poison in Diesel Fuel.

    A much smoother come-down.

    You should have called for 100 comments and a case of Chimay Blue. Go big, I say.

    ReplyDelete
  51. OK, I'm no longer a blog commenter virgin. I was scared at first but am glad that I lost my virginity to you. Happy now, Kev??

    ReplyDelete
  52. Hey Kevin,

    I guess I'm a recent lurker...saw your blog on DadCentric a couple of weeks ago. I'm not a parent, so I don't really have a credible excuse to be reading DadCentric...except that some of the writing is hilarious...yours included.

    Take care,
    Shayna

    ReplyDelete
  53. I've been reading your blog for a while... love it.

    ReplyDelete
  54. not a lurker. at all. but you knew that already.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Well now I feel awful for having taken some time off and missed this post.

    You know I'll always be around in Google Reader land.

    I should try one of these posts some day to satisfy my curiosity about my lurkers.

    ReplyDelete
  56. dude. You hit your goal. Congrats.

    Namaste.

    ReplyDelete
  57. did u know that a 107 year old woman is finally ready to search for her first husband?

    -lurker

    ReplyDelete
  58. I'm late to the party, but not really de-lurking.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Wah... okay, just now reading, and just now delurking, however since you have reached 50, does it matter anymore?

    Pretty new to your blog, so that is my excuse!

    ReplyDelete
  60. I'm a noob to your blog too, so hey!

    ReplyDelete
  61. Lol! I stumbled here after researching lice for a friend [who works in a pre-school that's having an infestation]. LOVE your blog- really funny :D

    [yes, I know this post is super old, but I still had to comment :P ]

    ReplyDelete

REMEMBER: You're at your sexiest when you comment.

AddThis

My Uncool Past