Why?
I slept through it all.
My brain must have automatically shut itself down to rest up after deducing that my waking day would be spent leaving a trail of cotton balls and tea tree oil around the house as I tried to corner a veterinarian-hating, 75-pound Labrador retriever whipping his long floppies from side to side like a hula dancer on crystal meth.
Or maybe I knowingly ignored all the wee-hour commotion. Maybe I was exacting revenge for the countless early mornings past on which I answered someone's needy barks to go outside. And for the six months spent picking up someone's parasite-laced intestinal explosions around the yard. And all the many power-washings and disinfections needed to remove unplanned detonations from someone's kennel, an activity done while I repeatedly muttered "crap in a wrap, what died up inside you, dog!" and wondered if certain student loans really, truly needed to be repaid given this unpaid, full-time job they had netted me.
Nah.
Must have just been my subconscious just trying to help stockpile needed energy. My brain is a far more complex beast than I am.
Video:"All Men are Liars," Nick Lowe
Wow, in exactly one month Murph will by 4. Where did the time go? Oh yeah, pooping. Duh.
ReplyDeleteWe had a puker. Like all good dogs, once she'd puked, she'd proceed to eat it if it wasn't picked up right away. Good times. I still miss her.
What in hell did we do to deserve that video? Did I miss the segueway?
I love the smell of turd in the morning...
ReplyDeletePets are a gas!
This the the kind of crap that makes me thankful I've forced my pets to an exile out of doors.
ReplyDelete(Get it? Crap? Your were ranting about dog shit. Never mind.)
Alternative use of prescription meds. Hula Dancers. Crystal Meth. Someone else cleaning up the crap. Sounds like the Rock n' Roll lifestyle to me.
ReplyDeleteMy 7 year old nemesis in the form of a furry yellow lab goes by the code name Bernie. And the lab part might just be his stealthy disguise because he neither swims nor retrieves. Suspicious, no? He did, however, nail the lab traits when it comes to ear infections (flap, flap, flap, flap, flap), excessive self-licking, horrible gas and laziness.
ReplyDeleteMan oh man...why do I love him so?
What a pretty boy. What a good dog. Is he a good boy? yes he is!
ReplyDeletemy Boxer likes to eat the fallen toddler leavings and then through them back up near the back door. She's a good girl.
Dude. Benadryl, 75mg 2x/day. Has it really been four years since we embarked on Project: Find Dog? Wow.
ReplyDeleteSo... is the dog ok now?
ReplyDeleteThis is the kind of thing that cements the fact we don't have a dog. It might have something to do with why we don't have any more children, too, but I'd be willing to work around that option.
ReplyDeleteI can't get past your headline. For weeks, the kid has been telling us that it opens on April 30 and "will you take me Daddy?"
ReplyDeletePoor dog!!
ReplyDeleteOh, I mean - poor you!
:)
I meant "throw"
ReplyDelete"...75-pound Labrador retriever whipping his long floppies from side to side like a hula dancer on crystal meth."
ReplyDeletelove it.
/has 1.5 labs at home
Slept through it all? Dude, high-five.
ReplyDeleteMy dog has ear problems all the time. Maybe I should give her a Claritin? Does that work?
ReplyDeleteWe have a 10 year old black lab with allergies to everything. Its as annoying as hell. She digs, licks,scratches so loud it wakes you up. Sounds like an oral sex orgy.. or what I reckon one would sound like.
ReplyDeleteThey are SO bad that the benadryl, claratin etc no longer works. So every spring and fall its off to the vet for anti itch shots.
The dog goes to the dr more than my kids !
oh my LOL...but murphy is super cute!
ReplyDeleteI have a 100 pound yellow lab. They are loads of fun aren't they.
ReplyDeleteI feel exactly the same about my student loans! Oh, and Nick Lowe looks a lot like Benny Hinn :-)
ReplyDeleteMy one-year-old, black lab is fighting her fifth staph infection right now. I'll trade you dogs.
ReplyDeleteAh yes. We are well acquainted with lab ears and the infections they harbor. Wynter now takes Benadryl twice a day. My other dog Jasmine sees Wynter getting her daily meds wrapped in a chicken flavored pill pocket every morning, and Jasmine looks at me like she's getting gypped.
ReplyDeleteThat's when I remind her that Wynter also gets wrestled once a week in the kitchen so we can clean her ears. Jasmine gives me that "oh yeah" look and goes back to her crate.
Who says dogs don't understand what we say?