This explains why we were both sober enough to realize we held the winning ticket in the 50-50 raffle.
UNCOOL: Whoo-hoo! Look at that! (waving wad of twenties and singles) Two hundred and thirty-seven big ones! We got our admission fee back and a little more. Free bad wine for every one!
MY LOVE: Ssssssh! Put it in your pocket before someone comes over here.
UNCOOL: What? You think we have some thieves among us? Muggers? (shudders) Madoffs?
MY LOVE: No. Organizers. If you win the 50-50, you’re supposed to give your winnings back to the charity.
UNCOOL: What-chu talkin’ ‘bout, Willis?
MY LOVE: (blink, blink)
UNCOOL: Dudley and The Gooch, My Love! Didn’t they have TV when you were a kid in Nebraska?
MY LOVE: (eyes burn holes through husband’s freebie suit)
UNCOOL: That makes no sense. Why have a raffle if the winner can’t keep the prize?
MY LOVE: It’s tradition.
UNCOOL: In Communist China, maybe. Honey, we don’t even know what charity this is.
This was true. A friend of ours had invited us as a favor to another friend whose friend was serving as host. It occurred to neither My Love nor I to ask what the charity was after we heard “unlimited wine and eats with admission” because we figured it would be a good cause for all concerned. Except our livers and waistlines.
MY LOVE: They announced it right before the drawing. It’s the uh, uh -- Abba … Abba babba …
UNCOOL: The Yabba Dabba Doo Foundation?
MY LOVE: Yes, that’s it.
UNCOOL: Liar. That’s from The Flintstones.
MY LOVE: You’re an idiot.
UNCOOL: I believe the term is want is ‘pop culture idiot savant.’”
MY LOVE: I only wanted to have a quiet Sunday afternoon of drinking without the kids. I should have left you home instead of paying a babysitter.
UNCOOL: You can take all the afternoons off you want now that you have a hubby worth (waves wad o’ cash in her face) 237 large. Now loan me three bucks.
MY LOVE: Why?
UNCOOL: So I can buy $240 worth of pudding.
MY LOVE: (blink, blink)
UNCOOL: Give me your iPhone. I’ll show you.
MY LOVE (runs screaming into traffic)
I introduced my wife to The State a while ago when it came out on DVD. Awwwwww YEAH!
ReplyDeleteI really need to see more eps of it to refresh my memory beyond this one skirt.
DeleteI cook, and then I chill...
ReplyDeleteI don't think a week goes by when I don't reference this skit in some way.
I admit this is one of the only things I remember about The State, and that's only because I believe Michael Ian Black is a genius.
DeleteWhile I reference Different Strokes once/week, I have no basis of understanding for that pudding business! Now, maybe if it was whipped cream.......
ReplyDeleteWHO returns raffle winnings to the charity???
Now I'm thinking: How much whipped cream could one buy with $240?
DeleteI've seen such gestures and always thought they were bunk.
ReplyDeleteI concede that if it our charity, Cure JM, or another that I had a personal connection to that I would give back a portion of the winnings, especially if it was sizable.
DeleteWait --- why did they even have a raffle if the winner has to give away the winnings? Why didn't they just raise the money for charity separately? *shakes head with confusion*
ReplyDeleteEXACTLY! We are obviously too smart for these fundraisers.
DeleteYes unfortunately, one must purchase the 50/50 ticket and then give away the money. This way you look like a generous benefactor (read: bloody sucker) twice.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the win. At least something good came from the night. I hope you spent at least some of the cash on a good bottle of vino.
ReplyDelete