Monday, June 11, 2012

Charity: An Uncool and his Money, Part Duex

wine_money My Love and I once found ourselves at a charity wine-tasting, It should have been called a charitable wine-tasting because they we’re all pretty awful.

This explains why we were both sober enough to realize we held the winning ticket in the 50-50 raffle.

UNCOOL: Whoo-hoo! Look at that! (waving wad of twenties and singles) Two hundred and thirty-seven big ones! We got our admission fee back and a little more. Free bad wine for every one!

MY LOVE: Ssssssh! Put it in your pocket before someone comes over here.

UNCOOL: What? You think we have some thieves among us? Muggers? (shudders) Madoffs?

MY LOVE: No. Organizers. If you win the 50-50, you’re supposed to give your winnings back to the charity.

UNCOOL: What-chu talkin’ ‘bout, Willis?

MY LOVE: (blink, blink)

UNCOOL: Dudley and The Gooch, My Love! Didn’t they have TV when you were a kid in Nebraska?

MY LOVE: (eyes burn holes through husband’s freebie suit)

UNCOOL: That makes no sense. Why have a raffle if the winner can’t keep the prize?

MY LOVE: It’s tradition.

UNCOOL: In Communist China, maybe. Honey, we don’t even know what charity this is.

This was true. A friend of ours had invited us as a favor to another friend whose friend was serving as host. It occurred to neither My Love nor I to ask what the charity was after we heard “unlimited wine and eats with admission” because we figured it would be a good cause for all concerned. Except our livers and waistlines.

MY LOVE: They announced it right before the drawing. It’s the uh, uh -- Abba … Abba babba …

UNCOOL: The Yabba Dabba Doo Foundation?

MY LOVE: Yes, that’s it.

UNCOOL: Liar. That’s from The Flintstones.

MY LOVE: You’re an idiot.

UNCOOL: I believe the term is want is ‘pop culture idiot savant.’”

MY LOVE: I only wanted to have a quiet Sunday afternoon of drinking without the kids. I should have left you home instead of paying a babysitter.

UNCOOL: You can take all the afternoons off you want now that you have a hubby worth (waves wad o’ cash in her face) 237 large. Now loan me three bucks.


UNCOOL: So I can buy $240 worth of pudding.

MY LOVE: (blink, blink)

UNCOOL: Give me your iPhone. I’ll show you.

MY LOVE (runs screaming into traffic)

Photo source


  1. I introduced my wife to The State a while ago when it came out on DVD. Awwwwww YEAH!

    1. I really need to see more eps of it to refresh my memory beyond this one skirt.

  2. I cook, and then I chill...

    I don't think a week goes by when I don't reference this skit in some way.

    1. I admit this is one of the only things I remember about The State, and that's only because I believe Michael Ian Black is a genius.

  3. While I reference Different Strokes once/week, I have no basis of understanding for that pudding business! Now, maybe if it was whipped cream.......

    WHO returns raffle winnings to the charity???

    1. Now I'm thinking: How much whipped cream could one buy with $240?

  4. I've seen such gestures and always thought they were bunk.

    1. I concede that if it our charity, Cure JM, or another that I had a personal connection to that I would give back a portion of the winnings, especially if it was sizable.

  5. Wait --- why did they even have a raffle if the winner has to give away the winnings? Why didn't they just raise the money for charity separately? *shakes head with confusion*

    1. EXACTLY! We are obviously too smart for these fundraisers.

  6. Yes unfortunately, one must purchase the 50/50 ticket and then give away the money. This way you look like a generous benefactor (read: bloody sucker) twice.

  7. Congrats on the win. At least something good came from the night. I hope you spent at least some of the cash on a good bottle of vino.


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