Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Yes, I Know 'No' and Yes, That's Not 'No'

no no logoUNCOOL: Do you need anything from the store?

MY LOVE: No. I just need some new underwear.

UNCOOL: So, yes, you need something from the store.

MY LOVE: Yes.

UNCOOL: Then why did you say "no."

MY LOVE: I didn't. I just said I need new underwear.

UNCOOL: No, you said "no" then you said you needed something. The correct answer to my question was, "Yes, I need some new underwear."

MY LOVE: That's what I said.

UNCOOL: No, it wasn't.

MY LOVE: You know when I said "no" I meant "yes."

UNCOOL: So when I ask you for something-something later and you say "no," I should just interpret that as "yes."

MY LOVE: No.

UNCOOL: You mean "yes."

MY LOVE: No. I mean "no."

UNCOOL: C'mon. If I don't buy you underwear, you'll already be half way there.

MY LOVE: But you're going to buy me new underwear.

UNCOOL: Yes. I'm not.

MY LOVE: So, are you buying me underwear?

UNCOOL: Oh, yes, you know I'm not.

MY LOVE: We'll see.

UNCOOL: So, can I buy you something from the store?

MY LOVE: Yes. Buy me some underwear.

UNCOOL: Thank you.

MY LOVE: You won't tonight.

UNCOOL: I expect nothing less.

* * *
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29 comments:

  1. I'm impressed that you were to make enough sense of that conversation to be able to write it down. Took me a few tries to follow along!

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  2. If she really did want underwear, it's a trap. Because if you in fact did happen to buy her underwear, and you got them too big, she would take that as you thinking her fat. And yet, if you got them too small, she would also be insulted, thinking that you get them small so thjat she would grow, rather, shrink into them, such as women do when they buy clothes, once again, with her thinking that she is too fat. And we won't even go into the granny vs thing.....busted either way. Good luck with that.

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  3. I love any shopping list that has underwear on it.

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  4. You just figured out the secret of women's linguistics! How cool is that?

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  5. Um, and what didn't you understand? Made perfect sense to me.

    Except for you buying her underwear... risky business.

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  6. "we'll see." That was the moment you had her. Or she had you. I guess we'll see . . .

    How did she know you were going to the store that had underwear? That would not have been my assumption.

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  7. She needs underwear, but no, she doesn't want you to buy it.

    That would be my take. Then again, I have no idea what my own spouse is saying to me half the time.

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  8. Ahh the code of women's language. Quote from my wife:
    "You know that movie with that guy and they had to do that thing..?"

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  9. It's funny because it's true.

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  10. My husband starts all of his sentences with no. He's from the South - that's his excuse - the land where "sure don't" is an acceptable shopkeeper's answer to "do you have any underwear?"

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  11. Sometimes no means no, and sometimes yes means no, and sometimes yes means yes, and no means yes. Know what I mean, jelly bean?

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  12. What's most surprising here is that she would even consider permitting you to buy underwear for her.

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  13. Yeah - I'd never let my husband buy me underwear!!

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  14. Makes perfect sense!? Do they sell underwear at grocery stores?

    Either way, I would be thinking food, so naturally "no" she didn't need that but underwear!

    Get it?

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  15. Okay I re-read, you didn't mention grocery store...but see how confusing that is!? ;)

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  16. What I want to know is how she knew that you were going to a store that sold ladies undies?

    I'll often ask Gia if she wants anything from the store and her usual response if a fat diamond ring. She's a card.

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  17. The real important question was "what kind of underwear?" - now that's where the true meaning of this conversation is hidden.

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  18. New underwear is life affirming. I swear. Even the kind you get at Target.

    Now I have a shopping list to go make.

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  19. No means yes, and yes means no and Thank you for that means...get the hell off of me?

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  20. What part of that was hard to understand???

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  21. Hello!

    I'm the editor for an online education blog (http://www.onlinecollegeguru.com/) and we've recently put together a list reasons why teachers and parents are alike.

    If you have some time, could you come read our article and if you like it, could you give us a plug on your website?

    Here's the post: http://blog.onlinecollegeguru.com/education/50-ways-teachers-and-parents-are-alike-2/


    PS,
    I couldn't find your email/contact form, so I'm leaving you this comment. Feel free to delete this after you read it.


    Thanks,

    Wendy

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  22. Is it wrong that I knew exactly what she meant before you explained it? Yes, I am woman, hear me roar...with much confusion. ;)

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  23. My favorite line: "C'mon. If I don't buy you underwear, you'll already be half way there."

    I also can't believe she's trusting you to buy her underwear. I mean, size, style, fabric... so many personal preferences are involved, and your preferences vs. hers may often be diametrically opposed.

    I hope you bought her the most enormous granny panties you could find, to teach her a lesson. I hope you had to make a special trip to the home medical supply store just to find the perfect ones.

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  24. I have no idea what happened there but please tell me the woman has some new panties.

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  25. Ummmm, yeah your wife and I could be twins. I'm pretty sure I've had the exact same conversation before with an ex. Classic!

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  26. This must be the fate of man. Of course you're supposed to interpret what she says, jeesh. Oh, and if you screw it up (because guessing sometimes leads to screw ups), you're going to pay for it :-)

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