Friday, March 23, 2012

Fill ‘er Friday: Removing ‘Blah’ from Blogging

The recent passing of my blogiversary has gotten me thinking about my early days in this racket.

You remember those simpler times.

Before we personal bloggers all signed lucrative contracts to endorse personal hygiene products, received book deals to reprint our Tweets (with sequels on our Instagram streams and Facebook status updates), and became stars of TLC shows that failed miserably because – face it – we’re pretty boring in reality. That’s why we all entered rehab: to regain our mojo, our qi … and our audiences (wink, wink).

We had pointless memes. Spread around silly blog awards like venereal diseases. Yes, life was blog carnival.

Now it’s all melancholy word masturbation, competition and denial, moaning and whining. It’s like the worst of NPR but without the pleasure of being hit up for money in between stories about the obscure 17th fingerpainters without thumbs and the sexualization of Thanksgiving turkeys.

High time we who are still plugging away at this took the “blah” out of blogging.

For the next few weeks (or at least until I run out material or get lazy again), I’m going to dedicate Fridays to returning some of the goofy spirit of 2008 to the blogosphere.

Welcome to FILL ‘ER FRIDAYS!

Here we go …

Early one morning I walked out of the garage to let Murphy do the stuff dog’s do after they eat, when I stumbled upon a crime scene.

A death, no less.chalk-outlineAbove is a photo of the chalk outline made by law enforcement (that’s me by the powers invested in me by Al Gore and the Stanford U. Mafia at Google) once the victim was tagged and bagged. In a Hefty, natch.

So give me your best guess: Name that victim!

Hint: He/she/it was killed by Mrs. Uncool in the driveway with her convertible.

Anyone who correctly deduces the victim will be entered in a drawing to win a $25 Amazon gift card, courtesy of … well, me. Like someone would sponsor this stupidity. It’s my way of thanking you for sticking it out with me for four years.

Must enter by Thursday, March 29, 3 a.m., EST (that’s midnight for Left Coasters.) Barring a correct answer, the most creative/goofiest response of my choosing wins.

My money is on creative/goofy.

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23 comments:

  1. I see the victim being the unsuspecting Mets fan. The perpetrator, of course, is bad judgement.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That comment is making me bleed orange and blue.

      Delete
  2. The victim was obviously a Picasso cubist man castrated in the streets.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well it died in three parts, so I'll go with the Star Wars prequels.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. George Lucas weeps. All the way to his Cayman Island bank account.

      Delete
  4. I'm pretty sure that's my libido...yup. I recognize the splatter pattern. It's been missing for a while, not sure how it ended up in your driveway.

    Sorry!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If the rest of the guesses are as good as the first 4, I'm real screwed as far as picking a winner.

      Delete
  5. Well this is just plain bad news for Lil Diva and Excitable because it's obvious an Easter Bunny scout with pronounced otoplasty was murdered and then stuffed into a chinese food container. The ritualistic display of easter baskets on either side is clearly sending some kind of message.

    What I'm really curious about is the silouhette of the Rodent Of Unusual Size (ROUS) in the same spot. That's either evidence of the murderer or evidence of a previous crime.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That was so well thought out and detailed that I'm now completely scared of you.

      Delete
    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
  6. Looks like Zaphod Beeblebrox was a double amputee then decapitated

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No idea of what you speak. Hence, I love it.

      Delete
    2. No idea of what you speak. Hence, I love it.

      Delete
  7. okay, so we all are having blogging mid life crisises???
    it is obviously 2 juice bottles from a bag of groceries!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Replies
    1. I do wish we could chat longer, but... I'm having an old friend for dinner. Bye.

      Delete
  9. Every time I look at this I want to hurl. Oh wait! That's it! The stain is Murp's puke after eating what was left of the squished Chez Micky D's fries and No-Name Ketchup. (It's the No-Name Ketchup that did him in.)

    ReplyDelete
  10. The stain looks like Gargamel's cat, Azrael. But the chalk? Looks like the a dude standing sideways and pissing out a hand grenade.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That has so many layers to it that I can't even come up with a clever retort.

      Delete

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