Have No Fear, It’s Hangar 24 Beer

You probably noticed, assuming you are still here, that I’ve taken some extended blogging breaks this year. Where was I?

Well .. I was in rehab.

For bad beer consumption.

Thank heavens, my taste buds were saved by Hangar 24 Brewery, a very generous craft brewer based in Redlands, Calif.

Out of the blue this year, they sent me this ginmorous insulated case of some of their many fine, fine brews for me to sample. See:

And sample, I did. Not a bad one on in the bunch. In fact, one of the tastiest, most consistently good batch of diverse beers from one brewer I’ve every had. Here are some of my faves:

Honor a Founding Father with @Newcastle Founders’ Ale

Is there a better way to spend Presidents’ Day, which is primarily a day to celebrate the birthday of George Washington, one of our country’s Founding Fathers, than with a Newcastle Founders’ Ale?

Not if the beer is free, folks, and mine was thanks to my new best friends at Newcastle Brown Ale who sent me a couple to quaff.

(If you can maybe forgot it’s a British beer and that George Washington kicked those Red Coats’ tails in the Revolutionary War, that whole first sentence works. Just play along.)

Founders’ Ale has a nice light brown color, and pours with a sweet bubbly head. Like the Newcastle Winter IPA I tested the other week, it’s very light on the hops which is more acceptable in a pale ale like this than in an IPA. I think a lot of American IPAs and pale ales have gone overboard with the hopping anyway. A little extra is bracing but too much and it feels like someone just sandpapered your tongue.

Tastewise, Founders’ Ale starts a little sour then evolves into more of a sourdoughish flavor that weakens as the pint glass empties. Maybe a wee bit of caramel  or honey in the nose, but otherwise a fairly simple, smooth and refreshing beer without bite. Good for downing after you break a sweat shoveling snow or skiing like I did this weekend.

Soon, I hope to review a lovely looking batch of beers that the downright sexy people at Hanger 24 Brewery in California sent me recently. God bless their beery hearts.

P.S. I love this job.

Newcastle Brown Ale: My New Best Friend

It’s been a while since I’ve bemoaned the many lame PR pitches I receive here at Uncool Enterprises Unincorporated. Oh, I still get them by truckload; I just tend to hit ‘delete’ faster these days.

Once in a while, something catches my eye that begs me to open it. It happened twice last week.

The first email asked me to take a mouthwash “challenge” with a truly hot young actress.

Well, that’s what the subject line said, and that sounded like a good deal to me.

Upon further reading, I found that outside of mentioning said actress in an early sentence, she and her role in this promotion never appeared again. Instead, it was all “write about your experience with our product” and “get your readers to like our Facebook page” but darned if we’ll compensate you for your time and effort. We won’t even offer to send you the product, suckerrrrrrrrrrr!

OK, they also said that with each Facebook like they’d donate money to a charity. Yeah, throw some more guilt on me, why don’t you?

After I got over this and the company implying you and I have stink breath, I decided to send back a quick note:

“If (said hot young actress) 
is personally testing my mouth's progress, yes.
Otherwise, pass. Thanks.”

A flak wrote back:

“Ha. Very funny. Thanks.”

I’d say that door is still open.

Then, after nearly five years, my sponsorship prayers were finally answered. In came an email with the heading:

Throw a Winning Super Bowl Party with Newcastle Brown Ale

I’ll cut to the chase – this sentence at the end:

Would you be interested in receiving samples
of Newcastle Brown Ale or Newcastle Winter IPA
for any Super Bowl stories you may be working on?

Free beer? Who? Me?

Ha.

Ha ha.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Yesterday, came this:

HALLE-FRICKIN’-LUJAH!!!

Since I’ll be in transit during the Super Bowl, I popped open two brews immediately – you know, in the name of science and good blogging.

Newcastle Brown Ale is a great go-to session beer. Pours with a nice creamy head, warm caramel color and light nutty taste, not to heavy on the alcohol. We’ve purchased The Dog (OK, I don’t know anyone who calls it that) in the cool mini-keg for parties at Uncool Estates in the past and it’s been a big hit.

The Winter IPA is … odd. Higher in alcohol content, copperish in color but, for an IPA, quite light on the hops in terms of smell and taste. Bit malty but no winter warmer spices like nutmeg or cinnamon – just, well, beer. I wouldn’t turn it down (it’s not light beer, for goodness sake) but I wouldn’t seek it out either. OK just not special as an IPA or a winter brew.

Oh, so why will I be in transit during the Super Bowl? Tune in soon to find out …

Win Burn Notice, White Collar DVDs

Summer is unofficially here and nothing says so more to me than parking my paper-thonged butt in front of the flat screen, flippin’ on the USA channel and watching the new seasons of a couple of my favorite returning shows:

• Burn Notice – the one involving the hot spy who once rubbed shoulders with My Love at a Miami hotel.
• White Collar – one of Murphy’s favorite shows because it includes another loveable Lab who follows at Tiffani Thiessen’s heels

To celebrate their return (Burn Notice on June 14; White Collar on July 10), I’m giving away DVD sets of Burn Notice - Season 5 and White Collar - Season 3. To win one of these, just leave me a comment below – any comment --by noon EDT, June 7, and you are entered in a random drawing. If you prefer one show to the other, say so – otherwise it will be dealer’s choice on the prizes. Simple as that.

No ‘White Collar’ Crime to Give You Free DVDs

Good news today – no disasters, thefts or near poisonings. Murphy even got a paws up from the doggie dermatologist.

Let’s celebrate, doggie style, with another giveaway of one of Murphy’s favorite TV shows.

The fine folks of Fox Home Video found out I have a thing for many of the original series on the USA Network, so they asked me to give one of you a 4-DVD set of White Collar: The Complete Second Season, a show about a former con man helping the FBI in New York City.

White Collar has a little bit of everything.

Good guy crime fighter Peter Burke (Tim DeKay) with a sense of humor and, for one glorious episode, a bad-ass mustache.

Suave ex-art forger Neal Caffrey (Matt Bomer) with a penchant for retro clothing and a quest. He must balance the moral dilemma of wanting justice to avenge the death of his ex-girlfriend while also contemplating making one last big score. I can neither confirm nor deny that he is loosely modeled on another Neil from New York.

Goofy and lovable sidekick Mozzie (Willie Garson) who practices Zen and the art of the con. Definitely based on a lawyer I know.

Exotic lesbian federal agent Diana (Marsha Thomason) who occasionally has to go undercover as a hetero hooker and/or model. (Really, what mom blogger out hasn’t done all that at one time or another, right? Once? In college?)

Token dude Clinton Jones (Sharif Atkins) who really should have a bigger role in the show but instead spends most of it in the surveillance van. In the above photo, I think he has The Rev. Al Sharpton on the phone.

And Tiffani Thiessen.

Sigh.

Oh, she plays Elizabeth, the FBI’s guy wife, but that’s not important because I’ve had a thing for her since …

… she played goody-two-shoes Kelly Kapowski on all those dreadful Saved by the Bell series. (I was in college with a lot of time between classes, people.)

Then again when she played bad bad girl on Beverly Hills 90210.

Or later as the object of desire of The Ladies Man (a highly underrated SNL movie spinoff, mind you).

The lady is versatile.

And totally smokin’. Almost as much as My Love. I sense a Baby Burke on the way next season.

Oh, why is White Collar Murphy’s favorite show?

Because the Burkes have one lovable bear of a yellow Lab named Satchmo.

Who gets to follow around Tiffani Thiessen like so.

Sigh.

All righty, nearly the same rules as yesterday’s Lake Compounce amusement park ticket giveaway:

• Leave a comment by 8 a.m., Friday, July 15. Any comment will do, but if you have a White Collar crush, confess!
• Include a working email address when you fill out the comment form so I can contact you if you win.
• Be a citizen of Earth. I’m in a better mood today, so even if you are Glenn Beck, you qualify.

One winner to be picked at random. Others will be humped by the dog.

Let Me Amuse You With My Misery

I don’t delude myself. I know most of you come here for a grin and giggle, not to be impressed by:

• my profound insights (you’re smiling already, yes?),
• my clever turn of phrase (look, if you must roll on the floor in laughter, please do so over the muddy paw prints by the door), or
• my dazzling use of metaphor, allusion and other terms you have most likely not thought about since you wrote your last English literature term paper (this was only a few weeks ago for this reader and this one, so they are excused for reading my blog as a way to purge their brains of all intellectual thought before summer break).

However, I’m not feeling all fun and games these days. Oh, let me count the ways:

1. Within 10 minutes of stepping foot in Seattle for our recent Cure JM conference/vacation, Thing 2 left not only his iPod Touch but also his beloved Nintendo DS and some 20 games for it on the airport shuttle train. Even he could do the math on that. In short, a grainy security camera stlll of yours truly might now be pinned to a corkboard hanging in the Seattle-Tacoma International’s TSA office with a note to “Approach with Caution. And Mace.”
2. Returned from said “vacation” to find our house had been broken into. Luckily, the biggest thing stolen was a huge jar of loose change. Unluckily, the only other thing stolen was Thing 1’s piggy bank. Which contained $100. Which she received from relatives as an elementary school graduation gift.
3. In the mail pile that collected during said “vacation,” I received a jury duty notice. All I’ll say is that on August 17, someone in the criminal justice system may be very sorry our state didn’t do away with capital punishment.
4. Speaking of death, our dog Murphy is apparently suicidal. Last month, he ate a bowl of grapes. Yesterday, because our Lab abhors subtly, he chowed down a block of rat poison. I happened along shortly after both incidents and did what I do best – made him puke his ever-loving guts out. It’s a talent.

The list goes on but I’m depressing myself. Maybe I’ll detail it more online (I will most definitely give you the scoop in person if you buy me a beer because I’m just a loose-lipped harlot for the hops as you know), but as of right now I need a little happy in my life and if it can’t be me, why not one of you. Hence:

LET ME GIVE YOU STUFF!

A brilliant PR company (i.e., one that actually read my blog and put a few things together) has offered to let me give one lucky reader

4 FREE PASSES to
Lake Compounce amusement park
in Bristol, Connecticut

Lake Compounce is the oldest continuously operating amusement park in North America, having started in 1846. (I know you folks are used to my typos, but I did really type one-eight-four-six.)

It is home to Boulder Dash, which has been voted the world’s No. 1 wooden roller coaster and is liked even by the stodgy New York Times. Lake Compounce even has Connecticut’s largest water park (no, not Long Island Sound -- we have to share that with, you know, Lawn Guylanders).

The park is a gem from what I hear from friends and I’ve read online.

That’s right. I’ve never been.

Not that I didn’t want to go and give you a firsthand review.

I tried to go last week with the Things and My Love and the four free tickets the PR folks gave me to use, but 30 minutes sitting in a traffic accident on I-84 made me turn back.

And yes, you may add that to the list.

Anyway, here’s da rules:

• Leave a comment by 8 a.m., Friday, July 15. Any comment will do. I’m easy. Duh. (If you want to comment, but don’t live any where near Bristol or don’t want tickets, just say so.)
• Include a working email address when you fill out the comment form so I can contact you if you win.
• Be a citizen of Earth. So unless you are Michele Bachmann or Rick Santorum, you qualify.

I’ll pretend to give an extra entry if you like the “Always Home and Uncool” Facebook page, which occasionally includes bonus photos, links, bon mots and extra moanin’ and a-bitchin’ from me.

One winner will be picked at random. As will my nose.

Do The Hustle!

Sorry, I meant win The Hustler, the Paul Newman/Jackie Gleason classic about pool sharks (that’s billiards, not swimming predators).

Click over to my DadCentric post from Friday and leave a comment – any comment – to be entered in a drawing to win three great movies on Blu-ray DVDs that would make great Father’s Day gifts for someone in your life (or yourself).

Along with The Hustler, you could win:

• The Comancheros – John Wayne. Lee Marvin. Guns. 
• Cowboys. Members of the race formerly known in the States as Indians. As classic as they come
• Tigerland – A Vietnam War movie starring Colin Farrell. I hear its pretty good.

No need to comment here unless you want to tell me about your Memorial Day weekend. Better yet, leave a joke but keep it semi-clean. I have a fictitious image to maintain.

Even better yet: Support our family in the Seattle Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon with a small donation to help find a cure for Thing 1’s juvenile dermatomyositis. Donate to Cure JM now! We’re nearly at the $3,000 mark.

Delurk and You May Drink My Milkshake (if You Don’t Mind Pepsi in it)

What?! I stay off the Internet for a week to do some actual paying work (but mostly freebie stuff for the Things’ school because who has got the title “Yearbook Editor,” a masochistic streak and two thumbs? This moron!) and I almost miss Delurking Day?

GRRRRR!

OK, here’s how we make amends.

You leave a comment on this post by 11:59 p.m. Tuesday, Jan. 18, and I’ll enter you in a drawing for some prizes courtesy of those wacky Pepsi Refresh Grant people:

FIRST PRIZE: A coupon for a free 12-pack of any Pepsi product (Mountain Dew, Sierra Mist, Mug Root Beer, or any of the many Pepsi formulations out there)!

SECOND PRIZE: TWO coupons for a free 12-pack of any Pepsi product!

THIRD PRIZE: Another coupon for a free 12-pack of any Pepsi product!

Leave a valid e-mail in the proper form window so I can notify (and your dentist) if you if you win.

I had 68 comments last time I did Delurking Day, and I only had about 250 subscribers then.

Considering I allegedly have 946 subscribers to this here blog, let’s be really ambitious and aim for … 104?

C’mon – I dare ya!

Too Well-Suited to be Uncool?

I last bought a suit when The Sopranos debuted.

It last fit me around the time Tony and family were chomping on onion rings to the wailings of Steve Perry.

Glorious golden onion rings! How you’ve wronged my waistline, my little fried O’s of palatable pleasure.

Luckily, Men’s Warehouse came a-callin’.

To promote its annual National Suit Drive, in which outlets of the national clothing chain aim to collect 100,000 items of “gently used professional attire” this month for redistribution to local men and women struggling to find work, Men’s Warehouse offered me a shopping spree at its local store.

(DEAL FOR YOU: If you donate your old men’s or women’s suits, shirts, jackets, ties, belts and shoes to your local Men’s Warehouse before Oct. 1, the store will give you a 25 percent discount on your next purchase there as well as a receipt for your tax-deductible donation.) 

When I mentioned this opportunity to My Love, she basically offered to drive me there.

Right that instant.

Go, go, GO!

I told her to let me first find my keys. And my underwear.

I haven’t bought much professional attire since going full-time at-home dad, but when I used to, I did shop at Men’s Warehouse from time to time. Chances are I probably would have gone to them when it came time for a new suit. Now that’s a well-researched PR pitch. (That’s your hint, Mr. Jim Koch, founder of The Boston Beer Company. My e-mail’s in the right sidebar.)

I arrived at my local Men’s Warehouse in Stamford and Bokul, the assistant manager, looked at my wrinkled Lands’ End jeans and faded freebie corporate golf shirt and said, “You’re the blogger, right?”

Yes – yes, I am.

Bokul showed me around, explained everything from the store’s new line of tuxedo rentals down to their Pronto Uomo jeans (I think he was hinting at something there).

Then I suited up. While I tried on Kenneth Coles, Jones New Yorks and Calvin Kleins, Bokul passed on these tips (which I’ll embellish) that I should have known from Thing 1’s past obsession with What Not to Wear but I always got hypnotized by Stacy London’s skunk hair:

• If only need to wear a suit a few times a year (like me), go for simple, classic and timeless. Bold plaids and wide lapels didn’t work even when they were in. Except for Herb on WKRP in Cincinnati.

• Unless you need stains or odors removed, avoid dry cleaning a suit. Often a simple professional steaming and pressing will do and cause less wear and tear to the material.
• Match your belt to your shoes. Unless either is white. In that case, you ARE Herb from WKRP in Cincinnati. Or in a retirement home. Abandon all hope.
• Your socks are an extension of your pants – match them. So, you – country club dude – if you got no socks, you need to lose the pants. NO, NO! I’M KIDDING!

• When you stand, button the top button of your sports jacket, sport. Unless you’re coaching in the NBA or putting Don Draperesque moves on a skirt outside the Barbizon Hotel.
• Your shirt cuffs should extend a bit past your jacket arms when standing, arms at your sides. More than inch and you look like Pee-Wee Herman.
• If you gain or lose 30 pounds or more, forget about it. Don’t try to alter your suit, just get a new one. Yeah, I KNOOOOOOW. I got the hint already!

After I choose two suits I liked, style consultant Eric matched some shirts and ties for me to chose from. Being practical (or cheap, you decide), I picked ones that matched both suits and got be mixed with each other.

“It’s like Garanimals for grown ups,” commented My Love when she saw the interchangeable combos I brought home. She’s always killing my buzz.

Since I work from home, I thought I show off my new clothes to you while in my natural environment:

And here I am hard at work, researching my next blog post:

Disclosure: Men’s Warehouse treated me to the two new suits and shirts. Their clothes and deals were so good (I saved at least an additional $500 with all the store’s various sales), I bought the shoes, ties and belt myself. In return, I donated my old suit, a pair of shoes, a dress shirt and a pair of dress pants to their National Suit Drive.

Technorati Tags: fashion,employment,economy

Meaty, Beaty, Big and Bouncy

Nothing of great consequence today, friends, unless you want a second chance to:

WIN A YEAR'S SUPPLY
OF HILLSHIRE FARM PRODUCT(S)

My favorite meat pushers (wow -- that didn't sound right) have authorized me to give away another load of sausage, deli meats and other products, this time by hosting a drawing on DadCentric. Entry rules are similar to what I did here last week, so get over there and comment.

Come back soon for a new post about my brush with the rock 'n' roll lifestyle. Meanwhile, enjoy Hanson doing a wicked Blues Brothers imitation.

Thinking 'Bout Somethin'

HANSON | MySpace Music Videos

And yes, that is Weird Al on tambourine.

My Meaty Weiners ... I Mean -- Winners

Sure, you love me, your humble scribe and beleaguered at-home dad, but I know where your true affections lie.

They lie on the grill.

And in the oven.

Maybe even in a crusty cast-iron frying pan, smothered in sauteed onions, peppers and artery-clogging yumminess.

Yes, my friends, you love your Hillshire Farm meat.

And you love it free.

For one whole year.

In all, you submitted more than 240 entries into my "Win the Sausage!" giveaway, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity (assuming you didn't enter a similar once-in-a-lifetime affair elsewhere in the blogosphere) sponsored by the generous, intelligent and totally smoking hot folks at Hillshire Farm.

And I have sorted through them all and come up with this ...

First, some surprise "bonus" prizes so I can:

• better comply with FCC regulations,
• avoid problems with the IRS, and
• hide the evidence of any possible sausage abuse from my doctor.

Runner-up prize No. 1: A copy of The Hillshire Farm Cookbook
This 64-page, full-color paperback includes a whopping 42 meaty recipes featuring Hillshire Farm products as well as tips on cooking, grilling and entertaining. And, it goes to an entrant -- chosen at random -- who happens to be named ...

James (aka Seattle Dad), author of the "Luke, I am Your Father" blog

Runner-up prize No. 2: An official "Go Meat!" white apron

This must-have article of cooking attire is being awarded to the person I believed submitted the most logical, literate and honest rationale (in the form of a naughty limerick to boot!) for her winning the grand prize. Here's her entry:

There once was a woman from Weaselville

She had very sore knees due to ... (cleaning well)

A year's worth of meat

Would keep her off of her feet

And focus her efforts in pleasureville.

The apron and congratulations go to WeaselMomma!

GRAND PRIZE: A year's supply of Hillshire Farm Product(s)

The winner, chosen at random, is a Midwestern man with

• a heart of gold (soon to be replaced with saturated fats) ...
• a unibrow of steel wool, and ..
• The Cheek of God on WordPress. 

It's ...

 Brian (aka TysDaddy)

Congratulations to all my winners and thanks to all of you for entering, commenting, tweeting and making not-so-thinly-veiled penis jokes. I hope the many of you who entered but are not regular readers at Always Home and Uncool will come back even when I'm not offering free animal products. Special thanks to the folks at Hillshire Farms for providing the goods.

Play Win the Sausage! (Hiding It Later is Optional) - CLOSED!

THIS CONTEST IS CLOSED! 

But don't leave empty handed! Go back to my home page, read a post or two and grab a laugh.

-- The Uncool Management

 * * *  

Did my last post make your mouth water? I know it wasn't my scintillating writing, so it must have been the lure of ...

YOUR CHANCE TO WIN A YEAR'S SUPPLY
OF HILLSHIRE FARM PRODUCTS

The lovely Liz from Hillshire's PR/marketing agency sent me an e-mail last month that:

• Didn't refer to me by the wrong name or gender.
• Offered a product I can actually relate to. I'm thinking Liz made the "meat for a meathead" connection, but I'm hoping it was something far dirtier yet more flattering, you sweet thang, you.
• Wasn't tied-in to a worthless reality star. Yes, I know I'm being redundant.

Liz's minions (which I'm sure she has many of and she dresses them in lederhosen and St. Pauli's Girl outfits) shipped over some Hillshire Farm Beef Smoked Sausage and Polska Kielbasa, both of which survived the great Uncool Power Outage of 2010.

I was planning on making one of the recipes she also sent, but My Love got a hold of the sausage (that's what she said) and tossed it into a pot with some crushed tomatoes and a mess of red and black beans.

Simply: Oh, baby, goooooooood!

Here's what you can do to get a chance at

WINNING A YEAR'S SUPPLY
OF HILLSHIRE FARM PRODUCTS

1. Leave a comment on this post by no later than 11:59 p.m. EDT, April 22, 2010. Any kind of comment will do, but if you want to entertain the judges, we do like originality, poise and the occasional naughty limerick.

2. Earn extra entries by Tweeting a link to this post (just include @homeanduncool in the Tweet so I can count it).

A winner will be selected at random on April 23, 2010. The winner will be announced shortly thereafter so you'll need to check back.

Meanwhile, Go Meat!

Anatomy of A Christmas Card

Merry Christmas, all! Enjoy your ‘elves!

Technorati Tags: Christmas,Christmas cards,holiday cards,humor

JumpStart.com Membership Giveaway

If you have kids between ages 3 and 7 who like computer games but you are iffy on the safety and educational value of those silicon babysitters, then have I got a deal for you.

I'm giving away TWO 3-month memberships to JumpStart.com, an online virtual 3D world for kids. JumpStart.com comes from the award-winning makers of JumpStart and Math Blasters educational software.

You have two chances to win:

The first membership, which also includes a CD-ROM game "Trouble in Town" that works with the Web site, is being given away on DadCentric.com. You can read my review on JumpStart.com and enter the contest over on that site.

The second membership is exclusively for "Always Home and Uncool" readers. Just leave a comment on this post (make sure you either have an e-mail address in your comment profile or leave one in the actual comment so I can contact you if you win) and I'll pick one person at random. Deadline is Friday, July 3 at 11:59 p.m., Pacific Coast time.

Please pass this contest onto your friends via e-email, Twitter and your blogs. Thanks!