Monday, February 2, 2009

I'm Cheating on You

Last week I was overwhelmed taking care of the junk that had piled up during my four-day excursion West, and then with a couple days of labor.

(To be clear, mommybloggers, I don't mean the "squeezing a bowling ball out from between my legs" kind of labor. I know, I know. It was a beautiful yet painful and horrible experience for you that I -- a "man" -- can never truly comprehend. You're all awesome. Down there. And stuff. You humble me. I was only referring to the mentally draining kind of labor that comes with a pittance of a paycheck in the mail six weeks later. Sometimes it makes me wish I could opt for the bowing ball.)

This weekend, I was hard at work fulfilling contractual obligations -- as a blogger and as a youth soccer coach.

On the blogging front, you can read about the utter disappointment suffered by me and Thing 1 upon watching the 2009 version of The Electric Company over on Click the links in it. Lots and lots of great clips from the original show and, thankfully, none from the new one. Bleech!

Next, I contributed a little something about sex to a brand new spanking blog called "Hot Dads." (Hmm, there should have been hyphens in there somewhere. It is NOT a blog about spanking. Or Spanx. Do they make Manx? Maybe Reverse Manx for, um, date-night enhancement.)

In the soccer arena (really middle-school gymnasiums -- got that hyphen right), the Things' teams went 1 and 1. A little hollow because the one victory was notched when the other team didn't have enough players show up. So that day, we ended playing a practice game once I sent three of my players (including Thing 1) over to the other team for the afternoon.

Now, I said "practice game" because I was confident these 8- and 9-year-olds -- some of whom I have previously coached -- wouldn't understand the word "scrimmage." I learned they also didn't know the term "practice game."

"Who won?"

"Technically, we won the league game because the other team didn't have enough players. So, we played a practice game. That ended in a 1-1 tie."

"So did we win?"


On the ride home, I told Thing 1 that she played OK but it didn't look like she was giving as much effort as she could.

"I didn't want to kick the ball too hard," she said, "because I didn't want the other team to beat you."

Oh, my precious Pumpkinhead (because that's what I called her as a baby), you're a keeper.

Just not a goalkeeper.


  1. Talk about strategy! That kid is going to milk you out of a lot of stuff as she gets older with that technique!

    I'm off now to read about sexy things...

  2. That was Bitchy's name before she grew up and became, well, bitchy.

    ah, the days of the pumpkinhead......

  3. Dang, my man....seems we all have a Pumpkinhead....

    Who knows...there may be a market for a blog about spanking and concluded...there are tons!!!!

    Love the 8 year old soccer.....we had a girl sit on the ball cuz she was tired and wanted a time out.

    Thanks for the post. Please continue posting ...whenever.

  4. I have heard of this twisting of ones Father around ones finger from others. My best friend has a daughter and two sons. She tells me there is nothing dad won't give her, if she puts a little effort into it. Sounds like someone in this blog.

  5. You contributed a little something about sex? What do we have to get you to do to contribute a bigger something?

  6. I was a huge fan of the original electric company and won't watch this one. My kid doesn't even know it's on...

    ps- I think you have market with your manx idea, btw.

  7. Prefers -- That question is soooo loaded.

  8. It's sweet, just not goalie material. Priceless...

  9. I was excited when I saw they were bringing it back, but I figured it would suck. Damn PBS.

  10. indoor soccer coach says: dude. we told our goal keeper she would sleep in the car if the other team scored.

    actually, we didn't say that. but we/I wanted to.

  11. It's a fine line to walk-- a kid who's hypercompetitive and obsessed is about as bad as a kid who just doesn't care about winning.

    It's hard to watch either way, and I imagine excruciating to coach.

  12. Our best Pee-Wee (note hyphen) Goalie simply flipped the entire net over and sat on it. Pure genius and probably the highlight of his entire athletic career.

  13. "No, I'm not," I said. "We're all out. How about ravioli?"

    LOL. Lost my coffee on this one. Too Funny!

  14. I'm just glad to hear you clear up that whole "labor" vs. "labor" thing. Had you left it alone, I totally would have thought you had given birth instead of worked your ass off. :)

  15. I think HB would love the idea of Manx :) And congrats on being considered a Hot Dad. I presume that is the dad equivalent of a Yummy Mummy?


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