"Dad," Thing 2 said, giving me puppy eyes and a layer of syrup so thick I began looking for some pancakes to soak it up and digest it down, "you’re the best, smartest, nicest dada in the whole wide world, outer space, infinity and beyond."
"Except when you’re a dork," chimed in Thing 1.
"And how am I, your father, a dork?"
"When you do this," she said.
She scrunched her eyes began wagging her finger at her little brother. "Clean your room. Close that door. Pick up your clothes. Shut off the lights …"
Thing 2 suffered laughing spasms and fell off his chair.
"Uh, I think the word you want is 'dictator. But you may call me 'Dict' for short.'"
"No, you're a dork."
"Yeah, I guess I am," looking down at my Mexican Chester Cheeto T-shirt and oversized cargo shorts. "But I'm the dork who's making your dinner. If I were you, I'd be careful biting into those smiley fries, little one. Veeeery careful."
"Except when you’re a dork," chimed in Thing 1.
"And how am I, your father, a dork?"
"When you do this," she said.
She scrunched her eyes began wagging her finger at her little brother. "Clean your room. Close that door. Pick up your clothes. Shut off the lights …"
Thing 2 suffered laughing spasms and fell off his chair.
"Uh, I think the word you want is 'dictator. But you may call me 'Dict' for short.'"
"No, you're a dork."
"Yeah, I guess I am," looking down at my Mexican Chester Cheeto T-shirt and oversized cargo shorts. "But I'm the dork who's making your dinner. If I were you, I'd be careful biting into those smiley fries, little one. Veeeery careful."
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Click Humor-Blogs.com and see just where I stand (I warn you, it's not pretty).
Click Humor-Blogs.com and see just where I stand (I warn you, it's not pretty).
Thank you. I now have a comeback when my boyfriend calls me dictator: "Just call me Dict."
ReplyDeleteThey think nothing cool existed before they came along. At some point, you will be driving and "Black Dog" will come on the radio. You will begin to pound the steering wheel and humming in tune. Thing 1 will ask incredulously "How do you know Led Zepplin Dad?"
ReplyDeleteJeez. Are you SURE you want your kid to call you "Dict"? I see the "t" but that probably won't come across in the recitation.
ReplyDeleteJust a suggestion, but if you toss an "El" before the "Dict." part and therefore become "El Dict." it might carry a little more authority. I'm not entirely sure, though, because I've only achieved the ranks of "wacky"!
ReplyDeleteLately, older girl said she thinks i might be a loser. if she says it again, i will insist she call me "loose." and then let's see who's laughing, daughter of loose mom.
ReplyDeleteWe're all dorks around here. The one I was astounded with was when, a few years ago, my son asked me what the dinosaurs were like when I was younger. At 25/26 years of age, you're really not prepared for comments like that..even from your kids.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I shared some blog love with you:
ReplyDeletehttp://outnumberedbythebrood.blogspot.com/2008/06/sharing-bloggity-love.html
I'm with Manager Mom --- that is where my head went when I saw DICT. I think I like dork better!!
ReplyDeleteYou miss the psycology. I'm telling them what to call me, and this assures me that they won't. Better dork than dic.
ReplyDeleteOr I am just an idiot. Take your pick.
Certainly your kids know that "dork" is the Latin term for "suave", right? Just give me a second and I'll write that Wikpedia entry up!
ReplyDeleteMy oldest tells me time and time again that I'm "creepy"
ReplyDeleteI cleaned out the freezer today and found some of those smiley fries.
ReplyDeleteI will serve them in kick arse heels. I aint no dork, and I am rather scary in heels.
Perhaps you should try it?
markina - I knew I should have studied Latin. I hear it helps with your SAT vocab score, too.
ReplyDeleteJen: But are you creepy AND kooky, Morticia.
Kelley - Uh, oh. You have found my weakness.
Seriously, I love love LOVE those smiley face potato things.
ReplyDeleteThey are amazing. And thusly, so are you!