Tuesday, June 17, 2008

It Was a Dark and Stormy Night

Thor's hammer explodes the darkness with invisible migraine force. Jagged white-hot bolts silently slash the thickening night as a million bitter drops pierce my feeble plot. The satellite TV is out. Dang it to hell.

The Uncools, sans My Love who is being beaten down transatlanticly by Air Force One screwing up air traffic around Heathrow, retreats into Game Night mode. A high-stakes game of Clue Jr. ensues along with this philosophical discussion.

Thing 1: "Rain is when God cries. Lightning is when God's angry. Sara told me so. She went to church Sunday."

Me: "What's God angry about? I'm sure his satellite hook-up still works."

Thing 2: "Did you know that lightning doesn't hurt as much as a shark bite?"

Me: "No, it's you are more likely to get struck by lightning than bit by a shark."

Thing 2: "That's what I said."

Me: "No, you said … oh, just roll, would ya?"

Thing 1: "I don't like storms. They knock down all the homes of the animals and then they have no place to live."

Me: "I'm surprised more animals don't live here since you two never close doors."

Thing 1: "If lightning hit our home, would we grab Murphy and take the car and go live at Sara's house?"

Me: "That's an option. Do they have satellite?"

Thing 2: "We'd go next door to the Jorges. They have a poooool."

Me: "I like the boy's thinking. Now, why do you think God is angry?"

Thing 2: "I dunno."

Thing 1: "I dunno."

Me: "Me neither, but I know why he's crying. He must have gotten a whiff of your feet and it's making his eyes water."

Thing 2: "Stinky feet! Stinky feet!"

Me: "Girlfriend, you need to change two things every day -- socks and underwear. How many times do we need to review this?"

Thing 2: "Stinky feet! Stinky feet!"

Me: "Uh, I would not poke fun, Boy-Who-Forgets-To-Wipe-His-Butt-A-Lot."

Thing 1: "It was Ms. Scarlett who ate the cake at two o'clock and drank a lemonade."


Me: "Please, strike me now, Lord. It's only Monday night."
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  1. OOOOOHHHHH The pleasures of board games, no TV and life-lesson conversations with the ....wise.

    I love it.

  2. Go on. Don't hide behind the ellipsis. You want to say it.

    Wise ASS.

  3. It's at those moments, well game time and homework time that I need to remove all sharp objects from around myself.

  4. That was QUITE a storm fo' shizz. we had to set up the tent in the music room and wait the storm out there...

  5. OMG, we had an eerily similar evening last week when we were without power due to storms. It's on my list of things to post about.
    Very funny, and I love the picture.

  6. I can't take cred for the pic. I copped it from an online Photoshop course.

    I love game night now that I no longer have to suffer thru CandyLand. But I just get tired of throwing the match to avoid the Thing 2 meltdown.

  7. ok...i am cracking up. i remember conversations like this at my house. i have to say that there are times i miss them. i was recently with a group of 4 year olds. i knew all of them except one little boy. i asked him his name and he said, "i'm nathan, and i'm growing like a weed." ahhh...gotta love nathan. i'm sure he had lots more he could have told me if there had been time.

  8. Heh heh heh!

    We had storm related cable-itis in our house, and the convo went kinda like this:

    Daughter: I was totally looking forward to watching Good Eats. Now what am I going to do?

    me: Read a book.

    Daughter (whining): I'm bored!

    me: Read a book.

    Daughter (whining louder) I'm really bored! There's nothing to do!

    me: Read a #$$^Y&&* book!!

    Maybe I should try the interactive board (bored) game approach next time.

  9. Nat: I had to read that comment three times. I thought it first said, "I'm Nathan and I'm growing weed." You crazy, Europeans.

    Sara: Alton Brown is the funniest chef on TV. Too bad he doesn't fit into a dress quite like the Rushdie's ex from "Iron Chef"

  10. Three words: Stand-by generator. Even the satellite TV comes back on!

    We had to get one here in upstate New York because the power kept going out on a weekly basis. People, please stop hitting the big brown poles..please. Anyway, we are on well water. That means when the power goes out we loose water too. No drinking water, to toilet flushing. Not good with HR Mom..generator purchase was approved after second power outage.


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