Father's Day is coming up and, ladies, you know what we want.
We want it in the morning, in the afternoon and in the sweet, sweet evening.
Up and down. Front and back. Bedroom and kitchen.
Respect. That's right. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
(Yeah, we want the other thing, too. Stop complaining to your other girlfriends about that. Worry when we stop begging you for something-something.)
Today's dads are more involved in parenting and home life than ever, not that we get much credit for it in the mainstream media, as Fellow At-home Sperm Donor Rebel Dad notes. Instead, we get insightful loads of Eisenhower-era stereotypes from Women's Health "magazine." I'm canceling my subscription, by the way.
That kind of parental insignificance must have annoyed me even before I was snipping Thing 1's umbilical cord -- still the freakiest moment of my life, BTW. I found this out when I recently dug out my grade school report cards. They are in a special "report card" book my parents kept and on the back of each year's page is a multiple-choice section called "When I Grow Up I Want To Be."
The list for girls starts with "Mother" (it also includes airline hostess and secretary -- this was bought in the early '70s), but there was no counterpart in the boys' list.
So, each year, in the fill-in-the-blank section, I scribbled in "Dad." And each year, I dutifully chose "Baseball Player."
I get partial credit, right?
Dads are the Paul McCartneys of the parenting duo. Sure, we add nice bass lines and melodies to the mix but all the credit for substance goes to John Lennon. I contend that neither one's solo work is up to par with the best stuff they did together. "Some Time in New York City" -- dreck! "Ebony and Ivory" -- porcelain god visit in 5, 4, 3, 2 ...
We can work it out, people -- starting now:
Lazy, stereotyping media mavens -- let's make it about the importance of "parenting" this year rather than about "mothering" or "fathering."
Sitcom writers -- how about one focused on a handsome, witty, work-at-home dad who has to teach his frazzled corporate wife the etiquette of the child pick-up auto queue at school and Pokemon card hierarchy? (Not based on me. I constantly violate line integrity and trade my best cards away.)
Overzealous wavers of the having-it-all-Mom flag -- chill. We can help if you give us a fair chance. Ohio State University researchers found that the more you involve and encourage your guy to be an active father and the less you criticize him for not doing things your way, the better. Would you rather the kids go hungry or they eat mac and cheese until they poop straight Velvetta? Hmm ... I withdraw the question.
However, if your man still won't change a diaper, share in the housework or have a tea party with the little ones, please don't take it out on my entire gender. Maybe, you just … wait … you tell 'em, John Hiatt:
If you doubt my yin and yang on this, ladies, then let's return to your national anthem -- "Respect." Aretha may have sang it better, she wouldn't have even hit a note without Otis Redding writing the song in the first place. That's right ... a man. Amen.
So let's get busy and make music together ... you know what I'm saying?
My Uncool Past
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- Father, Thy Name is Dork
- To My Love, On the 11th Anniversary of Our First N...
- The Day I Disowned My Daughter
- George Carlin: Comic Genius, Mets Fan
- Ever Get The Feeling You've Been Cheated?
- Party of One at DadCentric.com
- "Stick Out Your Can …"
- I'm the King of My Castle (When You're Not Around)...
- Brief Interlude - Don't Run Yet!
- Summing It Up in a Simple Six
- It Was a Dark and Stormy Night
- My Little Diva
- Happy Father's Day and Thanks for Not Kicking My A...
- Progress Among Modern 6-Year-Old Boys
- Chew on This, Pal
- For Father's Day, all I want you to do is give it,...
- Life is a carnival -- believe it or not
- I got a desk full of papers that mean nothing at a...
- Screw Soccer Moms. This is a Mannish-Boy Blood Spo...
- Invading the land of estrogen and mommy talk
- Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions: At-home Dad St...
- ▼ June (21)